An Adventure into the Unknown

Egyptian Cotton

2012-02-11T16:34:00.002-05:00

I bought myself some indulgently high thread count sheets today in the hopes that sleep will not be so damned elusive this deployment. A girl can hope, right?

Promo No Go

2012-02-07T17:41:00.000-05:00

Gunnar went to the E5 promotion board today. He was an E5 (Sergeant) when he was enlisted the first time but dropped a couple ranks when he re-enlisted. He's been an E4-P (Specialist-Promotable) for many months and due to completely stupid circumstances, he has not gone to the board yet. Lots of factors determine if a soldier is promotable including, time at their current rank, time in service, and an accrual of points. Then the soldier goes in front of a promotion board where the 1st Sergeants for the battalion and the Command Sergeant Major ask a series of questions to the soldier. They can include unit and division history, uniform guidelines, Army programs, leadership, how to read a map, land navigation, first aid and many more topics.

The soldier has to be recommended to the board by a sponsor, usually the platoon sergeant. When Gunnar's platoon get a new platoon sergeant, one of the first things he said was that he wanted Gunnar to be promoted. He recommended him to the board and helped to complete his promotion packet. In December Gunnar's company got a new 1st sergeant and the previous one forgot to hand in the promotion packet. So no board in December. January's board was canceled for some reason. February's board was canceled as well. Gunnar found out yesterday that they canceled the cancellation and the board was back on.

He did really well today considering he just found out about it yesterday. Luckily, I had taken his fancy dress uniform to the cleaners and his boots were shiny as they could be. He answered all of their questions well. All of the 1st sergeants at the promotion board voted that he should be E5. The Command Sergeant Major voted no. The funny thing is that the CSM doesn't get a vote. But he voted. And he voted no. Because of that, every other soldier that went before the board today was promoted. All except for my husband.

I am mostly shocked. And sad. I feel awful for how Gunnar must be feeling right now. He isn't home from work yet, even though all of his co-workers were released hours ago. He will have another opportunity to go to the promotion board "down range" aka Afghanistan. I hope he gets it there because it's well known that he deserves it.

Clearly, hard work doesn't always pay off.

Paratroopers Jumping

2012-01-29T00:21:00.000-05:00

Gunnar had a jump this week. Typically they will stop permitting soldiers to jump so close to a deployment because they are trying to avoid injuries. It's typical however, for his unit to disregard some things like that. Thursday was the scheduled jump. Gunnar went out to the drop zone area early in the morning. Fort Bragg has several drop zones and he gave me directions to come out so the kids and I could watch him. He missed an all-important detail and instead of taking a left I went straight for many miles down a dirt road through some remote area of the Army base that I'm undoubtedly not permitted to traverse. I'm talking dirt roads alongside shooting ranges. The only sign of life I saw was a handful of soldiers walking with lots and lots of gear and weapons. There was a truck following them. They looked tired and like they'd been walking forever. My first thought was to see if they needed a ride, because that's the kind of gal I am. Then I was wondering why the hell the guy in the truck wasn't letting them ride with him. I also wondered if I was supposed to go 40 mph down a bumpy dirt road in the middle of the woods. Eventually Gunnar realized he gave me bad directions and I had to turn back and go around the guys that were still walking! They looked at me like I'm nuts. I looked at them like they're nuts for walking all day.

As it turns out, they were walking 10 or 20 miles or something insane like that. And the truck is there to pick them up when they physically cannot walk any further. Walking to exhaustion maybe? It's called something like that. Hooah.

So the weather was uncooperative and the ceiling dropped too low so the jumps were canceled. I drove back home and then the weather got slightly better but it was getting late and there's only so much daylight in January. So Gunnar spent all day like this...


Naps happen

Jumps were rescheduled for Friday. It was a beautifully clear day but windy. Too windy. I can't believe they made them jump it was so windy. But they did. And this is what it looked like...


Sort of hard to see but that's a Sherpa. And it's adorable. That's what they were jumping from.


Gunnar and his buddy getting ready to jump


View from the air. That's the chutes from the other paratroopers jumping.

Drop zone. The goal is to land there. It was so windy, it didn't exactly work out that way for some.

Back on the ground!

So Gunnar made it back to earth. He hit pretty hard and lost consciousness for a moment. He was evaluated for a mild concussion but everything looks okay. I get worried because of his previous TBI from the last deployment. And head injuries are just bad news in general. He was lucky though and some other soldiers not so lucky. At least two were sent to the hospital with injuries from the landing. Here's to hoping for speedy recoveries for those guys.

Well that's what a jump looks like! Hopefully he won't be doing this again for a while. And fingers-crossed, next time maybe on a less windy day.

So much to tell you!

2012-01-11T13:44:00.000-05:00

So things around here have been busy, actually busy for the first time in years it seems. I became involved in things around here all of the sudden. It's weird and fun. Here's a few highlights:

I run a facebook page with a few other girls. It's for Ft. Bragg Wives and we have over 2000 members. We talk about lots of different topics and it's a pretty interesting glimpse into the life of a wife around here. Also, on the page I organize a lot of events like coffee dates, dinner parties, play dates, and meet and greets for new wives at Ft Bragg to come and meet some new friends, make connections and meet people. I wish there had been a way to connect with other ladies when I first moved here so it's actually nice to provide that for other girls.
I was just recently asked to become key caller and co-leader for my FRG (Family Readiness Group). I am in charge of communicating with the other wives while the husbands are deployed, among other things. I never really saw myself as being part of this group but I'm really happy to help some other ladies through the deployment. Again, I wish I had that sort of thing around here the first time Gunnar was in Afghanistan.
I had some sort of role at my kid's preschool organizing field trips but they just banned field trips for the undetermined future so I guess I'm off the hook on that one.

Oh! By the way, did you pick up on the fact that there's another deployment looming in the near future? Yep, they're heading out very soon and will be gone for most of the year. Stupid, stupid war!!! I'm really nervous about how I'm going to explain this to the kids. Gus is 5 and starting to understand so much more than he did the last time. I don't think he really even remembers Dad being gone for so long. I think it's going to be very different this time and pretty rough for all of us.

Decisions...Decisions

2011-10-06T15:50:00.002-04:00

As soon as we decided we want to be done with Army life, I started second guessing that decision. I am so worried about going back to civilian life, and Gunnar settling into a career that will be everything we need it to be. Maybe we should stay in longer? Maybe he should change jobs and get some sort of training that will be useful in the civilian world? Maybe we should request a move to Germany for a few years? See some of Europe while we can? I just don't know!!! I feel like I'd really miss the financial and medical stability of the military life. Is it really so bad all the time? I wonder if we missed the window of opportunity to make that decision. The closer his unit gets to another deployment (which still hasn't been officially announced yet), the less likely they are to allow a soldier to transfer out of the unit. I just wish I felt more comfortable about making this decision.

A Thousand Words

2011-09-27T16:08:00.000-04:00

This is the face of a boy missing his father so much it hurts my heart.

He sat there forever just staring at that photo. I asked him what he was thinking about and he said he just like to think about Dad and remember him. I think my heart just broke.

Army NTC

2011-09-19T11:13:00.000-04:00

Gunnar is spending the month over at Ft Irwin California in the National Training Center (NTC). It's designed to be sort of a mini-Afghanistan to simulate what a deployment would be like. It's hot and in the desert and they have a mock village set up and battles etc. His unit gives us cheerful Facebook updates so we know they are all doing well and working hard. Here's the link if you want to read one for yourself.

The only problem is that it's all bullshit.

They aren't doing fine. They are sick, sunburned and shitting in buckets. They don't have enough facilities for the number of people that are there. They aren't being fed for days at a time.

This is worse than a deployment. It cost $22,000,000 to send the guys there. This is the National Training Center and this is the best they can do. Seriously?

I certainly don't appreciate being lied to, especially by my husband's employer. I'm not big into conspiracy theories either, but it's a fair warning to say that you shouldn't believe everything (or sometimes anything) that you read. I've been able to get only bits and pieces of info since Gunnar's been over there but hopefully he'll be able to give me the full picture when he gets his phone back. All of the soldiers had to turn in their phones over a week ago and aren't able to communicate with their families.

The purpose of this training is to make the soldiers ready for a deployment to Afghanistan. I'd just like to point out that soldiers that have already been to Afghanistan do not benefit from being treated like shit stateside. They certainly haven't forgotten what it was like to be out in the desert fighting. Gunnar was deployed already without any of this fancy desert training so it's not an actual requirement before a soldier is deployed. Not feeding people or not giving them places to poop doesn't build a team, or teach them a damn thing. It breaks down their motivation and their spirit. Is that what we really want to do to the people we send to war? I am realizing more and more that while I still support our troops, I have very little support for most of their leadership. This stuff is pissing me off.

Fayetteville, NC: A Photo Tour

2011-09-02T23:38:00.001-04:00

I spent some time a few weeks ago snapping some photos in and around Fayetteville, NC. It's the "city" most closest to Ft. Bragg and where you go for Applebee's, Chili's, Target and not a whole lot more. It has a disproportionate amount of tattoo shops, strip clubs and pawn shops. More than I've ever seen in my life. And obviously, the only way to set your aforementioned business apart from the others is with an extra catchy name. Here's some of my favorites.

One of the gates to enter/exit Ft Bragg

One of the bridges at the Cape Fear River Trail. Beautiful.

I'd just like to point out that it's virtually impossible to read street signs that are BROWN and in between bright lights. No wonder it took me a year to find my way around here.

Another entrance/exit gate.

Leftover tornado wreckage.


Lots of businesses were flattened and the piles of debris are still there.

The Pearl Necklace. Awesome.

It is located directly beside a fantastic sandwich shop that makes one of the best cheesesteaks I've ever had.

Balla World. I believe they do haircuts there.

"Men's Fashion, Scooters, Phones, Ladies Fashion". One stop shopping at it's best. In an old gas station.

Sonny's Gold Teeth.

The sign on the door reads "Solicitors will be shot on site". Sounds serious.

I just thought this was a cute anti driving and texting message.

Downtown Fayetteville, one of the more appealing sites around here.

Bottom's Up. The name says it all.

Sharky's. They have military discounts and you can still smoke there.

"Shady Lady" What a great name for a strip club!

Another gem: "30/30 Grown & Sexy". Obviously geared toward a more mature crowd.

I think this is a car dealership. All I know is it's really strange-looking.

"Knokkers". Very Kreative.

The previous four photos comprise this whole strip club plaza. Interestingly enough, soldiers are banned from most that you see here. They have an approved list of places to go. Really.

It's the Tramp Stamp Studio tattoo shop! Who would ever go to a place with a name like that???!!!

Getting Jiggy wit it.

That's right, Dirty South.

I hope you enjoyed your tour of Fayetteville as much as I did.

Love

2011-08-30T22:38:00.000-04:00

My goodness it's been forever since I've posted. Kudos to anyone still reading. Instead of rambling about my complaints about Ft Bragg etc I'm going to tell you about something really special that happened recently. I was home (see how I still call it that?) home, my Ohio home, with my family several weeks ago and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. These people love me. They do. They. Love. Me. I've always proclaimed my ever lasting love for my mom, dad, sisters and brother but to think of the reverse is so different and so wonderful.

They love me.

There's no other place in the world I can go except my mom's kitchen and look around and know and feel that these people love me for me, forever. They are my best friends in the world. This doesn't take anything away from my husband and kids, by the way. I know they love me too, and it's a two way street. But when I was sitting at Mom's kitchen table with her and my sisters right there, I realized that there's no other place in the world I can have what I get from them. I started crying and realized that is the only home I want to have.

So it was then that we decided that Gunnar isn't going to re-enlist when his ETS (end of term of service) comes around next year. We're done. The Army life isn't for us anymore.

Of course we still have a long time before that can become a reality. But Gunnar and the kids and I drove around and picked out our houses we want to live in when we come back. We want that life, our own house and garden in which all our roots can grow and thrive. The transiency of Army life will never make that possible. I want my kids to be close with their cousins, just like I was when I was a kid. I want my new baby nephew to know me and me to know him. I'm tired of missing out on get-togethers and being able to lend a hand when someone needs it.

To have an uncertain future is scary as all hell. But fingers crossed, we'll make it work. We have a little time to figure out if there's jobs available when we move back etc. And we're hoping Gunnar doesn't have to deploy back to Afghanistan in the meantime.

By the way...I drove around Fayetteville recently and took some pictures of things that make me smile. I'll post them soon (I promise!!) and hope you get a little chuckle too.

As if war wasn't dangerous enough

2011-07-15T08:11:00.000-04:00

Gunnar's unit are still working on some phase of the Intensive Training Cycle to prepare them for their next deployment (which currently doesn't even have actual dates!). Somehow they seem like they are always scheduled to be out sleeping in the woods when the weather is the absolute worst. Last time a tornado blew through here, leaving a heck of a lot of damage in it's wake. This week we had the hottest days of the year so far and the guys were of course, out in the field again.

I know these are tough guys and the Army isn't into coddling anyone. However, putting their lives at risk is completely ridiculous and totally unnecessary. War is dangerous enough! There are enough soldiers dying over there, we don't need to kill them in training over here! Earlier this week the temp reached about 101deg here. Which means the heat index was at least 111deg at some parts of the day. There were guys passing out from the heat. They have medics out there but their jobs are definitely to treat those hurt by the heat, and no one is preventing the injuries. On top of that, there was a thunderstorm that night and one of their vehicles and a soldier were hurt by lightening.

A few weeks ago a paratrooper died during a night jump. It could have been anyone. This guy lived through a few deployments before he died in training. No one is going to make it to the next deployment if the Army kills them before they go. This was an accident, but there's no excuse for putting these soldier's directly in harm's way for training. It's irresponsible.

I wish there was a way to vent to people that might actually listen, or care or do something about it.

Gunnar, of course wasn't sleeping out in the woods during the thunder and lightening storms - they had him sleeping on the concrete floor of the arm's room. Stupidest idea ever, but at least I know he's safe in there.

All American Week 2011

2011-06-07T17:10:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I had the enjoyment of experiencing All American Week here at Ft. Bragg. I vaguely remember this going on last year (it's an annual event, usually before Memorial Day) but without Gunnar here to explain anything to me, I really didn't know what was happening except for lots of road closers etc. Ft. Bragg is home to the 82nd Airborne and they are called the "All Americans" because when they were first organized, there was a soldier representing each state, at the time.

Did you know this blog has a fact-checker now? It's true. And I'm sure if I messed up any of those historical details, we'll all be properly corrected. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah! All American week. I sort of compare it to when you're in high school and they have Senior Olympics right before graduation, but on a much grander scale. They had tug-of-war competitions and wrestling (rasslin'?) and combatives and volleyball, to name a few. There was a Division Review, which is a really big deal type of ceremony. I really wanted to go but had Gus's preschool graduation at the exact same time.

I was really glad to attend the few events that I was able to. This whole Army base was teeming with veteran's from the past and it was amazing to me to see how far they had traveled to get here for this event. There really is a lot of history here, most of it unpleasant war stuff, but it's still part of our country's history. Here's a few of the highlights from the week...

This was the Division Run. Imagine 20,000 guys running in formation. Each company (little group of guys) had their own cadence to sing to. This was a really neat thing to watch. I'm working on uploading a video to show you the full effect. One of the funniest parts was the accordion effect that happened over and over again. Eventually the soldiers would get all bunched up, then they would be running in place till the whole group started moving again and they would have to run at a dead sprint to get back in place. That's the Army! Also, running with reflective belts when there's 20,000 people on a closed road seems slightly unnecessary but it was cute.

We were actually able to find Gunnar in the mess of people. Not an easy feat considering they all look exactly the same!!

We headed over to Sicily Drop Zone a few miles away to watch the paratroopers jump competition. They were jumping from these helicopters. Very, very cool.

See the guys dangling legs? Crazy!

Helicopters this close to me is always the coolest thing I've ever seen. Every time.

Three in a row! I love it!!!

I argued with my Father in law quite a bit over this. I was pretty sure this huge "tent" was really a huge parachute, but he wasn't convinced. It really is actually a massive parachute and they use these to drop Humvees and crazy big things like that.

Break time

We came back to the Sicily Drop Zone to see a Joint Operational Access Demonstration. Logistically, the entire set up was a nightmare getting to and from the drop zone (why expect anything else?) but the actual demo was pretty interesting.

The kids enjoyed the show but it was HOT that day and we spent a lot of time sitting around waiting for the next thing to happen.

Gunnar

They invented a game of running back and forth, which I liked a lot better than the previous game of making snow angels in the dirt.

The Army has a marching band. Who knew?

This guy was in Gunnar's unit too. I loved meeting and talking to these guys and hearing their stories and their pride.

Jumping instructions.

"Jumping" seems to be a waste of energy. Gravity will get you where you're going.

Humvee that was dropped from a C-17.

This was breathtaking. Seriously. Dozens of paratroopers dropped from a C-130. This was amazing to watch. Alternate title "It's raining men".

Weapons demo.

Juxtaposition.

More helicopters!!


Just wouldn't be right if they didn't blow something up!

Cars don't go on trees

2011-04-27T17:31:00.000-04:00

We had some uncommonly severe weather in North Carolina a few weeks ago. Gunnar was safe and sound sleeping in the arms room. Probably the safest place I could dream up during a tornado. It's 12 inches of solid steel and concrete, what could be safer? The other guys in his unit however were still out sleeping in the woods. I have mixed feelings about this. I have read that outside in a ditch is much safer than being in a house or a car. But then again, it would take a good amount of time to dig a ditch to jump into. Just saying.

So we had some tornadoes blow through Fayetteville. Somehow Fort Bragg was missed by the tornadoes and we suffered only high winds, broken trees and 24 hours of no electricity. Just outside the gates to Fort Bragg however, was an entirely different story. Roads were closed for nearly a week while crews cleaned up the debris. Dozens of businesses and homes were completely destroyed. Roofs were gone, trees had fallen and were laying in all kinds of crazy places.

Growing up in the Midwest, I'm not unfamiliar with tornadoes. Plenty of times we've headed down to the basement with a radio and flashlight and nothing significant ever happened. Of course here my whole house is windows and I have no basement. I have no idea where I'm even supposed to go for a tornado. Next time I'll be in the arms room if I can!

Here's a photo Gunnar took about 2 miles from our house:

Notice the minivan in the tree. And the tree on the cars. There used to be buildings right there too. Such an incredible amount of damage was done around here. Driving down some of the roads smells like Christmas because of the ridiculous amount of pine trees snapped in half.

Tornado recovery is going to take a long time around here.

ITC

2011-04-26T09:14:00.000-04:00

ITC is the Intensive Training Cycle Gunnar and his unit are in the midst of currently. It's an 8 week program that should help them to prepare for the next deployment. Basically they go spend a lot of time out "in the field" doing training exercises etc. This is what it mostly looks like:

The guys have been spending several nights at a stretch out in the field and have only been able to come in for a couple of nights here and there and then off they go back to the field.

Gunnar is in a slightly different situation as the armorer. He is responsible for all the weapons in his company and that's a pretty big deal. He ends up going out to the field, spending a few hours then someone realizes they'd prefer to have him back in the arms room. Here's the funny part. Even though he's not sleeping out in the field with the others, they make him sleep in the arms room.

Cozy concrete floor, don'tcha think?? It's not a matter of security for the weapons that he's been sleeping on the arms room floor. More of a nobody-gets-to-sleep-in-a-bed-so-you-don't-either sort of thing.

This morning Gunnar left and said he actually might be sleeping in the field, not the arms room this week. Who knows if it will actually happen, but I think I'd prefer the outdoors to the concrete floor!

DRAMA!

2011-04-14T13:14:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to say something about this for a while now but because we've been without internet for several days, I haven't had the chance. (Oh yeah, no cable or internet because we MOVED!! Down the street. Another post for another day.)

Did you all hear the grumblings about the military supposedly not getting paid because of a government shutdown? Oh my if you live on an Army base, or have a lot of Army friends on Facebook, you'd know the level of ridiculousness that we hit last week.

To sum it up briefly, Congress needed to reach a budget agreement in which spending was cut somehow, somewhere by last Friday at midnight. If they did not, the non-essential government offices were to be shut down until an agreement was reached.

Somehow this translated to people who likely can't read that the US military would not receive paychecks.

Somehow this meant Obama hates our troops and doesn't want to pay them.

Somehow it turned into being pro-life or pro-choice or somehow about abortion.

Somehow the Dept of Defense completely jumped the gun, and posted the military's earnings statements online showing a reduced paycheck before the shutdown was even scheduled to happen. Oh yeah, which it didn't, by the way.

Somehow I was actually glad I had no connection to the media for a few days. I do support our president and I didn't think for a minute we would actually not get paid. I wanted to tell everyone "I told you so" but couldn't find a more eloquent way to put it.

The lessons to be learned here are big. So big that I really hope everyone paid attention to what's really important like don't let 1 week's pay make or break you. Try to have at least enough in the bank to buy groceries and not get the rims on your car repossessed if you can. Don't believe all of the crap out there. Try to learn what's really going on. And for the love, if some gov't office writes a memo suggesting a military pay freeze, don't think that the world is against the troops. Don't re-post bullshit Facebook statuses that perpetuate the misinformation just because you're a Republican and don't like our current government.

So just to set everyone's mind at ease, we received half our paycheck today and the second half is pending deposit tomorrow. Really. Looks like a whole lot of worrying for nothing.

"Even when they're here, they're gone"

2011-04-04T20:42:00.000-04:00

My friend Bekah recently told me about a show on Lifetime called "Coming Home". Basically it's about soldiers coming home and surprising their families. It's a tear-jerker to top all other tear-jerkers. One soldier was saying that even when he's not deployed he still spends very little time with his family. His wife said "even when they're here, they're gone".

I get it now.

Gunnar is currently in ITC (Intensive Training Cycle). It means that his unit is simulating a lot of combat exercises during the week, including sleeping out in the woods. For about 8 weeks they are only able to come home Friday through Monday each week. Gunnar's position is slightly different as the armorer so he has only had to spend a couple of nights actually outside. So far. He did have to spend a few nights last week on the concrete floor of the arms room, but hopefully he'll be able to come home this week. Eventually. He's been at work 14 hours and counting right about now. I'd tell you what he's doing there so late but it's so dumb you might not even believe me.

And the Booms Just Keep Coming

2011-03-21T09:29:00.000-04:00

The last few weeks here have been the loudest, earth and house shaking I've ever heard at Fort Bragg. I have grown accustomed to the usual kabooms but lately man oh man it's been nuts! Like loud enough that I can't believe the kids are sleeping through it. And loud enough that it's making me jump off the couch and think we're being attacked. Well that explains it!

As it turns out, some friendly Marines have been using the area to practice blowing stuff up. Here's the official info:

Marine training on Fort Bragg

Through Monday, the 10th Marine Regiment will conduct their annual spring artillery training on Fort Bragg.

These units fire significant amounts of 155mm ammunition, which can be associated with loud explosions and reverberations upon detonation. While engaged in simulated combat conditions, the Marines will comply with existing requirements that prohibit them from massing fires larger than battalion size between the hours of 11 p.m. to 5 a.m., daily, or from firing during the hours of 10 a.m. to noon, on Sundays.

Well that explains it!

A Good Read

2011-03-15T09:08:00.002-04:00

I admit I thoroughly enjoyed reading this article about what not to say to a military wife. I hope you enjoy it too!

Intolerance, Injustice, Infantry!

2011-03-09T13:43:00.000-05:00

The soldiers receive safety briefings what seems like every other day around here. Certainly on Friday afternoons, and before they can be released to go do just about anything. They are lame usually, and generally include the guys in charge telling the guys that aren't in charge not to drink and drive, don't beat their wives, and don't smoke spice, and wear your seat belt. Blahblahblah. I appreciate the intention but I'm genuinely skeptical that just telling people not to do these things would effectively prevent them from happening.

On a recent weekend, there was a more in depth safety briefing given, especially to soldiers going out of town for the weekend (we went to Myrtle Beach for a retreat). Gunnar and the other soldiers received an actual form describing what behaviors they are not permitted to engage in.

Some prohibited acts included:

Drinking and driving
speeding
proper and consistent use of seatbelts
drug use
underage drinking, providing alcohol to minors

*here's where it gets really interesting

Adultery, statutory rape and ... homosexuality (including watching homosexual pornography) are illegal

Whoa there, hold on a second! Somehow they just grouped watching homosexual pornography in with raping minors and cheating on your spouse. After that part it goes on to say that being a Paratrooper means you are expected to do the right thing, morally and legally etc. It stresses that misconduct will be severely punished.

What happened to repealing DADT? And all of the equality? Apparently it hasn't trickled down quite far enough if it is still considered as bad, morally and legally, as raping a teenager.

Where do they come up with this stuff?!?!

By the way, this info was taken straight from DA FORM 4856.

B+ to an A-

2011-02-24T11:11:00.000-05:00

No, not talking grades. But personalities. My personality. I'm usually pretty laid back, not too wound up in general. Don't get me wrong, I can get pretty fired up and I try to keep a reasonably organized home. You get the idea. The Army is turning me into a freakazoid about details. Because they never give me any!!

Case in point. We had some inclement weather in the last few weeks. Nothing like the winter storms of the Midwest, just enough to make some slick spots on the roads. And since the mass population around here is driving inept in perfectly fine weather, you know there's going to be dozens and dozens of minor fender-benders around here if there's a trace of snow or ice. So Fort Bragg likes to preemptively close the base and the schools or delay them so no one has to drive until the snow melts. I'm only kind of joking here. By 5pm they had officially put Fort Bragg on a 2 hour delay for the following day because of potentially hazardous conditions. (The high of the next day was forecast to be 44 degrees - I'm not sure anyone here has been told that ice and snow melt oh somewhere in the 32 deg range.)

My son goes to part-day preschool. I'm not a total dummy, but if there was a 2-hr delay, he'd only have "school" from 10:30-11:30. Seems kind of silly, so I called his school to clarify.

The lady at the main desk at school told me that if Ft Bragg schools are on a delay, then he would go for the 1 hour. If the Ft Bragg whole entire base is on a delay, then school is canceled for the day. Are you following? Yeah, I'm not either. So I tell the lady that the Ft Bragg Facebook page (yes truly, that is where we are to get all of our information from, FACEBOOK) says all of base is on delay so no school tomorrow, right? I like to clarify, repeat things etc because the story always changes. The lady says she hasn't heard of base being delayed. Right. Of course not. She didn't know what to tell me so she says call back tomorrow morning.

Apparently I wasn't the only person they told to call in the morning because it took me 98 tries to finally something besides a busy signal. The lady I talked to had no idea what the lady from the previous night was talking about. None. She's never heard a distinction between school delay and base delay. Now I shouldn't be surprised by this but it still stresses me out. These two ladies stand behind the same desk all day and have totally different information to give out. It's ridiculous. Long story long, I took the boy to school for 1 hour. I don't mind that part, the place is right down the street. I mind that no one has a damn clue what is going on, what the policies are, what to tell people ever! No consistency, no reliable sources for information, nothing. These are the scenarios when I'm not so good at just going with the flow. I want to know where we're supposed to be and what we're supposed to be doing.

Is that really too much to ask??

All for One and One for All

2011-01-24T08:46:00.000-05:00

Did you know that when a soldier gets into some serious hot water, all of the soldiers in his company are in trouble too? I mean, not legal trouble but here's a example from last weekend. One guy goes out, drinks a few too many, and starts to drive home. Stupid, bad decision-making I think we can all agree on. It happened late on a Friday night, off post. The guy was arrested by Fayetteville cops. It doesn't end there though. The Fayetteville cops call the military police and they go up the chain of command and now the guy is in trouble with the Army too. Gunnar got a text from his platoon leader (or something like that) on Saturday morning telling him to report to formation at 2pm in uniform. He said there was a good chance they would be stuck there the rest of the day but he was home a few hours later. They got yelled at a lot, but that's about it.

I was really amazed to learn that the military will bring in the entire company of a person when there is an incident. I understand the need to foster a tight bond between these guys. But c'mon! My husband didn't get a DUI!!

The 1st Sgt warned that the next time there is a serious incident in Delta Company, the consequences will be much more severe. They'll get a much shorter warning that they need to report to the unit on a day off (this one makes me nervous because we spend a lot of weekends more than an hour away). He even threatened to make them all live at the unit for 2 weeks if DUI's continue to be a problem.

I can't believe that they would actually do that. But at this point really nothing should surprise me about the Army!

Only on an Army Base...

2011-01-13T11:41:00.000-05:00

I'm just driving to the store minding my own business and this is what I see....

I'm not really sure what they're talking about. The only part I can really make out is the "shoot 'em in the head, shoot 'em in the head" at the end.

Gotta love the scenery around here!!!

This is Gunnar's Brain...This is Gunnar's Brain with a TBI

2011-01-13T11:15:00.000-05:00

Gunnar definitely was placed in the TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) pipeline, as his doctor called it. He had an intense array of various diagnostic evaluations with different therapies. He met with Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Vestibular Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, Optometry and probably some others that I'm missing. They each did separate evaluations to see where exactly the injury to his brain is. The injury came from a serious of events in Afghanistan last spring including a fall resulting in loss of consciousness, a grenade going off above his head and a few other things that all happened in a short amount of time. The Army has been less than supportive of him making and attending these appointments. I've been really disappointed in the way it's all been handled. The injury will be almost a year old by the time he actually is treated for it! And while he was at one appointment, his First Sergeant was texting and calling Gunnar, telling him to get up and leave the appointment. Unbelievable!!!

The assessments were done about a month ago, and the next step is all of those therapists getting together, comparing notes and coming up with a treatment plan. This step has been postponed twice so far because of stupid reasons.

The thing about a mild TBI is that Gunnar is able to function mostly pretty well on a day to day basis. He has intense headaches and some short term memory problems (hard to tell if that's because he's a guy, or a guy with a mTBI sometimes) and balance problems. It's not severe enough to make it impossible to do his job, so it's not taken seriously by the guys in charge.

I'm not sure when the appointment has been rescheduled for this time, but I'll let you know what they say...

Shame on me!

2011-01-06T12:56:00.000-05:00

I seriously doubt anyone still reads this little blog 'o mine. Sheesh it's been 2 months!!! Not sure how that happened. I just plain didn't know what to say. I've got plenty of stories and pics and even a silly video up my sleeve that I'm going to post. But life in the last two months has just been complicated, and messy and frustrating, and nothing I can explain here. But it's looking up and it's a brand new year, right? Here's to 2011 kicking 2010's ass.

I'll be back soon with something to actually tell you about.

Army Ball

2010-11-11T09:15:00.000-05:00

I've heard a lot of military balls in the past so I was really excited to go to my very first one last night. There have been only a few times I get really dressed up and fancy and go out. A military ball is a huge deal. I have no idea how often they have these bashes but I'm guessing usually about once a year. Our ball last night was held in Fayetteville at their one and only coliseum/convention center type of place. I was a little surprised how nice everything actually was. The food was good, the tables were beautiful, everyone was dressed their very best. Girls go all out for this sort of thing and aside from a few dresses not much larger than a band-aid paired with clear heels (hello stripper! excuse me, exotic dancer) the ladies were all dolled up. Lots of girls had their hair done and looked like they were going to prom, but it was fun to see so much fanciness all in one place. The guys, of course all looked exactly the same in their dress uniforms. Here's a few highlights of our night.

On our way to the ball. See my cute gloves? Yep, I've been watching a lot of Mad Men lately.

Waiting forever in the foyer area, before we could be seated at our table.

It was really dark in the ballroom.

Gunnar and his boys.

So much love in the Army!

This is where things start to get a little weird...

This guy with Gunnar is Doc Carr, he was the medic for their platoon in Afghanistan.

A-R-M-Y = L-O-V-E

This sweet baby-faced boy they call the "War Baby" because he was the youngest in the platoon.

He doesn't even look old enough to drive!

Now that is a hug!

All in all, we had a really great night. We were home shortly after 9pm to pick up the kids from the sitters, even though the ball was still going on till midnight at least. It was so nice to meet all these guys that I've heard so much about, and finally put faces to the names.

Salad Bar, Explained

2010-11-05T16:07:00.000-04:00

Alrighty here goes, I'm going to attempt to explain all the junk on Gunnar's uniform. I'm warning you now, on a scale of 1-10 my photo editing skills hover in the 2 - 2.5 range so I'm going to add a nice diagram to the following pics. Hopefully at least some of this will make some sense to you (because it sure doesn't to me).

A - French Fourragere, all soldiers in the 82nd Airborne Division wear these
B - Branch Affiliation, these are the cross rifles of the Infantry
C - Combat Infantryman's Badge, awarded to Infantrymen that are actively engaged in combat with an enemy
D - Army Commendation Medal, (Gunnar's has an oak leaf cluster, which means he's been awarded 2), Gunnar got these for his performances in a firefight in Afghanistan
E - Army Achievement Medal, (Also with the oak leaf cluster), performance based just for doing his job and doing it well...twice, apparently
F - Good Conduct Medal, for never getting in trouble
G - Reserve Component Achievement Medal, from the good old days when Gunnar was in the National Guard, and not sucking at it
H - National Defense Ribbon, awarded to everyone in the Army during a time of conflict
I - Afghanistan Campaign Ribbon, for soldiers deployed to Afghanistan, the bronze star signifies 1 year over there
J - GWOT or Global War on Terrorism, awarded to everyone currently serving in the military during the War on Terror
K - NCO Professional Development Ribbon, NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer) school which is called WLC or Warrior Leadership Course
L - Army Service Ribbon, soldiers get this when they complete Basic Training. They have lots of non-PC names for this one, since it's a rainbow and all
M - Overseas Ribbon, stationed overseas
N - Afghanistan ISAF, that's the International Security Assistance Force or NATO's equivalent of a thank you card
O - Airborne wings, this is Gunnar's jump status, meaning he can jump out of a plane any time they want/need him
P - Air Assault Badge, he got this one back in '93 for repelling out of a helicopter
Q - Expert Marksmanship Badge, specifically with a carbine device. That means he's a damn good shot with an M4

Alrighty - on to the right lapel...

A - Unit Crest, It's actually the same as "D" on his uniform. It's the second of the 508th Parachute Infantry Regiment. Their crest is a dragon/lion thingy...here's a close up...it's lots of funny to me. "Fury From the Sky" is their motto. They sound very angry.

Back to the diagram...
B - Blue Cord, awarded to soldiers when they complete their Infantry school training
C - US Insignia, with baby blue disk. Only Infantry gets a disc (of any color) beneath the US pin
D - See A
E - Presidential Unit Citation, Awarded to the 508th by FDR for invading France
F - Combat Patch, given to 82nd Airborne soldiers serving in combat zone
G - Rank, Gunnar is a Specialist, currently (though he is preparing for a promotion soon)

Other stuff that didn't make it to the diagram: Valorous Unit Citation, awarded for 508 performance in Afghanistan.

And there you have it. A tour of a soldier's uniform. Whew, I'm going to have a glass of wine now.

Dolla Dolla Bill Y'all

2010-11-05T10:00:00.001-04:00

I'm getting better with the regional lingo around here, eh?

While Gunnar was deployed (which was basically the whole time he's been back in the Army, up till now), which brought along with it some nice financial perks. We received monthly bonuses for combat pay, separation pay, hazardous duty pay, and probably some other things that I can't keep track of. And when he came back in September, all of those bonuses magically disappeared. We've been doing pretty well going from a dual income to a single income household, especially since the military benefits are incredible. But now adjusting to having another person to feed, a person with the capability of spending money too, and the 30-something % decrease in pay is taking some getting used to. I was anticipating the change in income but didn't realize how much our outgoing cash was going to change too.

For example, today Gunnar had "Payday Activities". Silly thing to call it but generally on the first Friday of each month, they have the guys get all dressed up in their Class A's for an inspection and do other funny tricks too. This morning Gunnar had to be at work at 5am for a Brigade run. So 3,000 guys were running in formation all over Fort Bragg doing their yelling and cadence-ing and all that jazz. I heard them from my cozy warm bed about a half a block away from one of the streets they ran down. A lot of roads are closed on base in the wee hours of the morning to allow for silly stuff like this.

Gunnar got home after the run and got changed for the inspection. He has been working on his uniform all week. He had to get 2 haircuts (cha-ching, cha-ching) because the first didn't meet Army standards. (The second haircut honestly didn't look that different from the first, in my opinion. But what do I know?) He also had to get lots of fancy little decorations for his jacket. He had a long list of things that needed to be added to it, plus new patches that needed to be sewn on. There's dozens and dozens of alterations, dry cleaners and sewing places just off post so it was easy to get it done. But of course, all this added up to cost an arm and a leg when it was all said and done. They Army requires a ton of out of pocket expenses for these soldiers! To be fair, they also include an annual uniform allowance in their pay. But it's only around $200 and seriously, that barely scratches the surface of what they are required to purchase.

Anyway, that was a lot of griping and complaining wasn't it? I think you'll enjoy the final product. Take a look:

All dressed up!

He obsessed over getting these damn things shiny enough, and still thought they could use more shine. These are his "jump boots", only required by paratroopers. I think. They (obviously) aren't worn for jumping out of planes anymore, but the Army loves them some traditions.

Affectionately referred to as the "salad bar". I think this one is impressive, though I only know what about 10% of those things mean.

Some more decorations.

I took these before he put on his goofy beret. Hopefully I can snap one later and give you the whole picture.

And We're Back!

2010-10-31T13:38:00.000-04:00

After spending nearly the entire month of October in Ohio, we finally made it back to Fort Bragg last night. It was a nice long trip and being back here just feels strange. Even with Gunnar and the kids here I am acutely aware every moment of the day that this is not where I want to be. My family is far away and it makes me sad and grumpy. I usually cry from Columbus to at least the West Virginia border, but I tried my best to keep it together since Gunnar was with us.

We had about three and a half weeks in Ohio this time, spending most of it at my parents house and some at Gunnar's parents in Mingo Junction, Ohio. We did a ton of fun things! We saw my favorite bar band, took the kids Trick-or-Treating, ate the worlds greatest cheeseburgers, and spent lots of time with family. Of course there are a dozen things I can think of off the top of my head that we didn't get to do. People we didn't get to see, ice cream I never got around to eating. Oh yeah, I turned 31 (gasp!) somewhere in there too and got to celebrate with everyone I love.

All in all it was a really great trip. And although we left freezing cold Ohio weather to come to a beautiful mild North Carolina, I'm still more than a little sad to be here. I'm already trying to think up how we're going to arrange our Thanksgiving traveling. Most likely, Gunnar will only have a 4 day weekend, which complicates things tremendously. I am still trying to get used to traveling on someone else's schedule, instead of just my own. It's possible that we won't make it up north at all and man, that makes me grumpy just thinking about it.

Gunnar goes back to work tomorrow. I'm interested to see if they come up with anything for him to do besides stand/sit around all day till it's time to go home. He still has a few weeks to wait for his CAT scan and x-rays for the possible stress fracture in his foot. Only in the Army do they wait 2 months to find out the severity of your brain injury and broken bones. Grrrr!

I guess the only thing I'm really looking forward to right now is the military ball that's coming up in a few weeks. I've got a dress, and can't wait to wear it! Gunnar will be all fancy in his Class A's and it sounds like it might actually be a lot of fun!

Reunited and it Feels so Good

2010-10-04T15:12:00.000-04:00

Back to real life eh? There's a lot of compromise in married life that I seemed to have forgotten about. Like how I keep the A/C at 80 (I'm all eco-friendly like that!) and he likes it at 72 or something crazy like that. There's extra laundry and the idea of actually making a dinner (other than popcorn) on a daily basis.

The amazing part though is that my kids have their Daddy back. And I took a trip to the commissary on my own! Gunnar made it home just in time for our son's 4th birthday so we spent the day in Raleigh and had a great time. His work schedule has been amazingly light since he came back. He is usually home for the day before noon and will have the entire month of October off.

The transiting for the kids having their dad back has gone amazingly smoothly. I know that aside from everything else in life, I am their constant. Everything else has come and gone and come back again but me? I'm 100% always here with them. So adding Gunnar back into the mix at home really went great for them. It has taken Gus a bit of time to get used to being ~~yelled at~~ disciplined by anyone besides me. And the kids generally prefer me to put them in bed at night, but other than those minor details, things are going really well.

Now for some Army nonsense (I know you all knew this was coming). So, I mentioned Gunnar is "working" half days since he's returned from Afghanistan. Well, what I really mean by that is he goes and stands around and waits for most of every morning and then they send him home. It's complete and total ridiculousness. I've never seen any business or company more disorganized than the Army, or the 82nd Airborne Div, specifically. Heck maybe the 82nd is awesome and it's just the 4th Brigade Combat team that's nuts. I don't know where the breakdown between the smart guys and the dumb guys is exactly, but it's somewhere close to Gunnar's chain of command.

For example: They report to duty in the morning at say, 6:15am (a time in the morning I have not seen in many, many moons!) and go stand around in a parking lot and wait till 8:30am when the place is actually open for business. No, really. That's the crap they do. They have had a lot of re-integration type things to do, they all had to go to the dentist, and health screenings, and probably fill out millions of pieces of paperwork. The Army is generally anti-computer. They like to have them fill out form after form after form. I've never seen anything like it!!

Gunnar has some additional workups to have completed when he gets back to work in November. He has the entire month of October off for his post deployment block leave. He has a lot of the symptoms of a mild traumatic brain injury (or TBI for short) due to some injuries he had in Afghanistan. I've heard a lot about these when soldiers return to the states, and I'm interested to see what sort of care he receives. I don't think it's reasonable to wait 2 months after redeploying to get medical attention, but we're working on the Army's timeline here. Likely, he also has a stress fracture in his foot. But again, no x-rays till November.

We're (of course) going to be spending a few weeks up in Ohio to see everyone. I can't wait! Autumn in Ohio is spectacular, and any reason to get the hell out of Fort Bragg, is a good one for me!

Homecoming - The Official Photo Tour

2010-09-06T14:28:00.000-04:00

It's finally over! This stupid deployment really truly is finally done and our family is back together. Gunnar came home early Thursday morning (9/02). There were flight delays in Bulgaria which prevented him from coming home when he was actually scheduled the previous day. So when he landed at Bangor, Maine at 2:30am on Thursday, being so excited to finally come home, Gunnar was texting me at a furious pace. I can't say I blame him. His cell phone is worthless in Afghanistan and I think he was just excited to be using it again. Then he called, and we were on the phone until 3:45am. Basically, there was no point in going to sleep for 15 minutes so I stayed up and got ready. I got dressed up, pulled the sleepy kids out of the bed at 4:45am and were in the car heading to the Pope Air Force base. It's really only about a 15 minute drive but the plane was scheduled to land at 6:40am and we're supposed to be there 60-90 minutes in advance. While I was on the way, I got an automated call from Gunnar's unit saying that the plane is actually early, and will be landing at 6:10am. Sheesh, people! Just pick a day and time and stick with it!

It was still pitch black when we arrived and parked. Of course we had to walk a half mile through a field of damp grass to get to the hangar where the soldiers would come in. Good thing I wore sandals and not the heels that I was going to!

Gus and Maisie enjoying their first-ever Pop-Tart (breakfast choices are quite limited at 5am)

There's an airplane out there somewhere - it was parked far back and we couldn't see. Also - what is this crazy lady wearing? It was some crazy Uncle Sam costume. Weird.

Lots of people, lots of signs.

We had to stand behind this rope for a very long time. I took the double jogging stroller with me and positioned myself in the front row. Oh, believe me, many tried to creep into my space, and many failed.

Then all of the soldiers filed in, walking in perfect rows. It was a sight to be seen! There were about 300 total, but this was really all I could see. I'm slightly short, apparently.

Not that you can tell, but Gunnar is there in the front row. He saw us immediately.

Finally!!!

So we finally got our 15 minutes together and boy, did they go by fast! Gus was thrilled to see his Daddy finally, but Maisie didn't quite know what to think. The atmosphere was pretty overwhelming and the poor kid was exhausted. She came around pretty quickly though.

After our 15 minutes were up, the soldiers piled into buses and headed back to the other end of base to their unit headquarters for some in-processing. They needed to turn in their weapons and get their bags. It worked out well though because it took me nearly an hour to get out of the parking lot at the Air Force Base. These types of scenarios really make me think I should be in charge of more things in general. For example, I would build a road with more lanes. Duh. The kids fell asleep though, so it all worked out fine. I was able to stop at our house, get some more coffee and head over to the unit. The kids got a decent nap and when they woke up, we went to find Gunnar in a sea of guys that looked like this...

Camouflage is mighty effective, wouldn't you say?

Of course he found us quickly and we basically hung around outside most of the morning. The Army is very highly skilled at creating tons of downtime.

"Glad your back..." Sorry, I had to do it. There's simply no excuse for not properly contracting words when ironing them to a tank top.

We ended up home by noon, which I suppose is typical. It took about 6 hours from when they landed till when Gunnar was released and allowed to come home. We got lucky and he came home right before the Labor Day weekend so tomorrow will actually be his first day at "work" since he returned. I hired a photographer to capture some of our reunion moments as well so I'll be posting them soon too.

Yeah, So Anyways, About This Homecoming Business

2010-08-31T23:51:00.000-04:00

I've been working hard getting ready for the big homecoming. Got the dress, perfect accessories, shoes etc. I did a dry run of the pick up location at Pope Air Force Base, which adjoins the Fort Bragg Army Base. I made Gunnar's favorite lasagna, with all the fixin's. The house is spic and span. The kids are head over heels excited that we're picking up Daddy after lunch tomorrow.

And then I get an automated call. Gunnar's flight is delayed indefinitely.

I should know more in the next 12-24 hours. But as of right now, I have no idea where he is or when he's coming home.

So much for planning, eh?

Puzzle Me This

2010-08-23T22:32:00.001-04:00

You might ask yourself, what does an Army wife do with all those long lonely nights when her husband is deployed? The answer my friends is jigsaw puzzles. I meant to do a longer photo post on the topic but sadly, these were the only photos I could find of my masterpieces.

You'll notice, my crochet book is in the corner too. As if jigsaw puzzles weren't cool enough, yes, I also crochet.

This was one of the most tedious. 1500 ridiculous pieces. I cursed these cows for a few nights.

Fun stuff, huh? Don't be too jealous! (Sorry folks, I tried for 3 minutes to align this photo, and that's all the fight I have in me tonight.)

By the way, Gunnar comes home NEXT WEEK!!! I doubt I'll be doing puzzles again for a long time.

Roadtrippin'

2010-08-20T17:46:00.001-04:00

I know Ive written about this before but I think it bears repeating. My little trio, me and my two darlings are some badass roadtrippers. We have made 10 round-trip visits to Ohio since we moved to North Carolina 10 months ago. That's 20 car rides averaging 8.5 hours each time, and about 500 miles. We start with a full tank of gas, stop once for food, restroom and a diaper change (usually in Beckley WV - its basically the half-way point) and the only other stops we make are for Gus to pee on the side of the road. Hardcore? Maybe. But these kids are some troopers (no Army pun intended) and I'm so proud of them for putting up with me. I don't think these trips would have happened quite as often if they were making it difficult to do. Sure, there's whining and crying and occasionally screaming and yelling, but generally its just not that bad that I don't want to do it.

Some things Ive learned along the way:

I strategically place everything in the front passenger seat that I will need along the way, so it's only an arms reach away. DVDs, tissues, directions (yep, I still need them), drinks, snacks, wipes, diapers and that's about it.

West Virginia should pay me to drive through it, not the other way around. I never really feel like I get my moneys worth with the $6 in tolls I have to pay.

The speed limit everywhere should be 70 mph on highways.

Related: North Carolina needs more highways. It takes about 2.5 hrs to get from Fort Bragg to the VA/NC border because there's no actual highways, just back roads to get there. Annoying!

When there's no more reasoning with your freaking out toddlers, just roll the windows down and turn the radio up. The fresh air (even if filled with exhaust fumes!) is good for every one's state of mine, and you can't hear them yelling anymore. Bonus!

It is possible, but not recommended to refill sippy cups while driving through the mountains.

Speaking of mountains, I always appreciate and love how beautiful the drive is. The mountains are breathtaking, and I am in awe of the view every time I'm cruising through Virginia.

We like to break up the trip by landmarks. The kids know we need to get through 2 mountain tunnels, then 3 toll booths, then the big, big bridge over the Ohio river. It really helps to feel like we're making progress.

When the drive gets tedious, I rationalize it simply by comparing it to a day's work at an office. 8.5 hours. That's it. In the time most people sit in a cubicle for a day, I drive through 4 states. Not so bad when you think about it that way.

I have remarkable contortionist abilities to change DVDs in the kids portable player while driving.

I know these trips will be a lot less frequent when Gunnar comes back home, and honestly I am going to miss it a lot. I know the kids will too. They love going up and visiting our family all the time.

I'm already planning our next trip :)

Here's pretty much exactly what a road trip with us looks like:

I swear the girl is actually wearing clothes, you just can't tell. Shoes however, never. This kid refuses to keep them on any time she's strapped into a car seat. Come to think of it, I drive barefoot the whole way too. So maybe it's a genetic thing.

I splurged and spent a ton on this car seat because even though the boy is big enough for the high-back booster style seat, I couldn't stand his poor head falling all over the place when he'd fall asleep. This thing is like a throne! Also - apparently we take eye protection seriously in this family. We never go anywhere without shades.

Please don't take me seriously. Ever. This is my duck face impression. Why do girls do this duck face thing these days anyways? There's no way to look cute imitating a duck's face. Obviously.

Homecoming Prep

2010-08-18T09:58:00.001-04:00

There's honestly not too much going on around here these days. We still don't have any actual dates about when Gunnar is coming home, but he is slowly making his way back here. I have the mother of all lists of things to get done before he gets here. Like buy beer, shop for man food, clear off every horizontal surface full of clutter, and wash the car. Most likely he really won't notice too many of the details, and just be happy to be home, but I feel like I should at least put forth some effort.

I've read a lot about homecomings and all the hullabaloo that folks go through. And frankly, I"m just not that into it. Does it make me a crappy Army wife if I don't hang a banner with Gunnar's face on it on the front of the house? Or paint welcome home sentiments all over the car? Or line the driveway with American flags? Maybe if I was 20 years old and fresh out of high school these things would appeal to me a little more. I'm just not that into it.

Gunnar hasn't lived with us since May of 2009. There will be a lot of challenges to face in the next few months as we get back into the swing of things. Boy oh boy I'm excited to not be a solo parent anymore though!

Fort Bragg Child & Youth Services (CYS), Another Possible Title: Why I Drink Vodka on Monday Night

2010-08-03T09:27:00.000-04:00

I finally decided to get off my heathen behind and find a church to go to at Fort Bragg. I've been here almost a year and never bothered, so I decided it was time. We all know my kids never leave my side but I found a church with a nursery for Maisie to play and a little classroom for Gus to do activities. This was kind of a big deal for me but I felt really comfortable at the church I found to do this. And guess what? Gus LOVED it! He had so much fun with the other kids and told me about the songs they sang, and games they played. I don't know what I was expecting but I thought he'd have a harder time. As it turns out Maisie was the tough one.

So this lovely experience for Gus got me thinking that this boy would really love pre-school. I've never really considered pre-school for him before but dang, that kid gets next to zero interaction with other kids when we're at Fort Bragg. And he's a really social kid! I looked up some pre-school information and found something that looked really good.

The website said "Register Now" and more information is available on their flyer. (Don't fall for it, there actually wasn't any info on the flyer, just some fish and a phone number.) I called the number first thing Monday morning. Got a busy signal. It took me about 45 minutes to get through, when I finally did I learned there were still many spots available for the 2 day/week pre-school class. Score!! All I then needed to do is get a copy of Gunnar's LES (pay stub, basically) and bring it in to their office and get Gus registered. At this point I should have known it sounded too easy.

I won't bore you with the details, but it took me a good two hours to get a good copy of Gunnar's LES. It has something to do with sharing passwords with your husband that is really far away. But, I finally had it in hand, I loaded up the kids and headed over to the CYS office. That place is a madhouse every time I've been there. It's a disaster and I avoid it as much as possible. Yesterday was no different. I went up to the desk to sign in. There were at least a dozen names above mine that had yet to be called, so I knew it was going to be a long wait. The woman at the desk asked what I was registering for and I said the Part Day Pre-School program. This is how that conversation went:

CYS Lady: "Ummm. No. Sorry sweetie, it's full"
Me: "Are you sure? I just called about two hours ago and spoke with a woman that said there are still available spots"
CYS Lady: "I don't know you you was talking to, but it's full"
Me: *furrowed brow*
CYS Lady: "Hold on...lemme check something"
Me: waiting waiting waiting
CYS Lady: typing typing typing
CYS Lady: "OK hold on, Imma check something else"
CYS Lady: gets up and leaves
Me: waiting waiting waiting
Me: waiting waiting waiting
CYS Lady: "Yeah sorry it's full"
Me: "I don't understand, it wasn't full two hours ago. She told me to come in any time this week and it would be fine"
CYS Lady: "A lot can happen in two hours"
CYS Lady: "You can get on the wait list...if you want"
Me: "OK, I guess we can do that"
CYS Lady: "NEXT!"

I guess she was joking about the wait list part. We left pretty frustrated. Gus was disappointed for sure, I was just mad that every time I deal with them it's a mess. Up to this point I've never had a positive experience with the folks in the CYS office which has led to me not involving my children in any of their programs. I'm perhaps overly cautious about who is watching my kids but I find it really hard to trust people around here.

After we got home, I waited a few hours and called back, hoping to get on the wait list. Here's how that conversation went:

Me: "Hi, I'd like to have my son put on the wait list for the Part Day Pre-School program"
Different CYS Lady: "Oh honey, that won't be necessary, we have plenty of spots open. You just need to come down to the office and get him registered"

Really?! Apparently the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing over there, or some such saying. Eventually we did sort something out and Gus should be able to start pre-school next month. He is super excited so I hope it actually works out. I really hope the people running the pre-school have more of a clue than the people in charge of registration. I don't have high hopes for that but we'll just have to see how it goes.

It's August You Guys...August!

2010-08-01T20:35:00.000-04:00

It's with 95% certainty that I tell you Gunnar should be home this month. There's a slight chance it might end up being September but right now, all signs point to this month. I have a ton of mixed emotions about him coming home. Thankfully, things are finally winding down for his platoon, and they are no longer running patrols. He has regular internet usage and his job requires him to be at a desk for 12 hrs a day. After so much stress and worry about his safety, I feel like we can finally exhale, relax, and just wait for him to come home.

Got the Giggles

2010-07-27T14:01:00.000-04:00

It's rainy and gloomy at Fort Bragg today, which is a welcome break from the melt-your-face-off heat. I committed myself to cleaning the house top to bottom but kept getting distracted by the darn internets. Specifically this video I'm about to show you. Background on the story: there is an embedded reported with my husband's unit right now. He has done a few stories on the unit for Al-Jazeera news. Anyway, one of Gunnar's buddies filmed the first part of this video and the reporter asked to use it to make into the rest of the news story. I promise, this isn't a joke. It's really how they get ready for a patrol.

I really recommend watching it more than once. I find a funnier quote each time I watch it.

I Got Tired of Looking at the Dots

2010-07-24T09:28:00.002-04:00

....so now we have a pretty new layout.

Homecoming Jitters

2010-07-22T10:07:00.001-04:00

Well folks, this deployment is getting closer and closer to being done and over with. I mentioned a long time ago that I didn't quite understand the reintegration issues families go through. I'm now realizing how cocky and naive that really was of me. I was thinking the other day that we never even got a chance to really live together and settle in at Fort Bragg as a family. Gunnar was deployed so soon after we got here that we never really got into a routine or flow. There's definitely going to be some big adjustments coming for everyone involved.

It seems like the homecoming process altogether will be jumbled and stressful. Of course, this is the Army we're dealing with so at this point, I'd expect nothing less. I think I'll only get 24-48 notice of when Gunnar is actually coming home. He will land here at the Pope Air Force Base but everything after that sounds like a total cluster. Families are permitted to arrive an hour before the plane lands. And it could very well be in the middle of the night. So me and my 2 and 3 year olds are going to sit for an hour (likely longer - if we want to get a "good seat") and the soldiers will all come in and stand in formation. I know my husband anywhere but in a see of soldiers, it can get a little tricky. That camouflage is no joke - they all look the same!!! Then they have some sort of ceremony, or people speak about who-knows-what and then it's a mad house as hundreds of families attempt to be reunited. Can you imagine the chaos? And get this! We only get 15 minutes with our soldiers and then they get on a bus to go to their unit headquarters. I think they need to spend a few hours there doing in-processing type stuff and then we are eventually reunited again. I'm pretty sure we can't pick them up at the unit, so they must get bussed back to the Green Ramp (AFB).

Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited to see Gunnar again but this whole thing sounds ridiculous. I don't know why they make everything seem so fussy. It will be interesting and exciting to have him back home too. I've been living alone (man-less but with the kids) for a really long time now. I've learned a lot about myself and how to be a lot more independent.

One thing I do know for sure, Gunnar has been through hell the last few weeks and is going to need all the love and support he can get when he comes home. The fighting has been very intense and I can tell he is pushing the limits of exhaustion.

SAHM (because the Army loves acronyms and abbreviations)

2010-07-13T18:36:00.001-04:00

I always knew I wanted kids. There was never any question that one of my goals was to be a mom. I still did the college thing, and waited till after graduation to get married and start our family. I think I pictured things a little differently in my head however.

I didn't think I'd be doing it alone.

I know there are millions of single moms and dads out there that know what I'm going through, and I'm certainly not going to try to compare our lives or play the "who has it rougher" game. I can safely assume that a non-working wife of a deployed soldier spends more time with her kids collectively during that year-long deployment than most working parents do in several years. And generally single parents have exes that take their kids for weekends or overnight occasionally.

For the first couple of years after I had my son, I continued to work mostly full time. It was a struggle to juggle our schedules and keep him out of daycare but we managed to do it successfully. I did always have a twinge of guilt about not spending enough time with my baby though.

Whoa - what a complete 180 flip from feeling like that!!!

My kids are always with me. Every minute they are awake, we are together. Sure, there are daycare options on post for people just like me, and if I wasn't completely paranoid about leaving my kids with strangers, I might actually explore some of those options. At first I thought it would be way too much of a shock for the kids to move to a new place, have their daddy leave, and then plop them in the care of a complete stranger. Now I simply refuse because I've not once had a positive experience with the Child and Youth Services Dept of the Army.

Boy, some days I sure wish I was heading to a job in the morning! I didn't have a major career or do anything that was really setting the world on fire but I loved, adored and respected the heck out of my co-workers. I felt like the work I did was valued and the place I worked was the best I've ever had.

This might sound very self-serving but one of the things I miss the very most is just someone saying to me "Hey you did a great job on that!" or "Wow thanks for all your hard work, this looks great!" or "Hey I can really use you, if you got some time later". I miss feeling appreciated and I miss the recognition that comes with that. I miss regular adult interactions. My kids are lovely and supportive, as much as a 3yr old and 2yr old can be I suppose. Gus tells me I make the best Cheerios's he's ever had. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

Finding that balance with work, life, kids, family etc isn't easy for anyone. Right now I'm just feeling there isn't any balance of it in my life.

Fort Bragg Military Reservation: Shopping Edition

2010-07-02T11:11:00.000-04:00

That's what it's called. Isn't that funny? This place has a lot of names. It's an Army "base", it's a "post", it's where we're "stationed", but on the map it's a military reservation. Life on base (that seems to be what I always call it) is really different from the general civilian world. It's like a special little club that you need and ID card to get into. But for the most part, it's not a fancy club. It's pretty drab, most of the buildings and houses are older and they are all definitely brown. Not much work is put into aesthetics around here. There's a lot of housing neighborhoods, and tons of barracks for single soldeirs. Only if you're married can you live in a neighborhood. Both barracks and neighborhoods are spread all over the base from one end to the other.

We have a lot of fast food restaurants, pizza places, and liquor stores (on base they're called the "Class Six"). There's at least one gas station that I know of. Bowling, bingo, a coffee shop or two and some strip malls. And then there's the Commissary and the PX. We have two of each, one at the south end of base and one at the north. Shopping at both of these is really a trip! It's very different from civilian shopping.

The Commissary is our grocery store. It's not fancy, the buckles never work in the shopping carts and the cool ones for kids that are shaped like cars are all missing the steering wheel parts, and the hours are more limited than a traditional grocery store. The prices are pretty decent, and they don't charge tax. There's a decent amount of ethnic foods but the produce is so-so and there are very few organic options. Zero organic meats or poultry. (We've taken to driving about 10 miles off post to find organic chicken. I watched "Food, Inc" and now I just can't buy Tyson or Perdue chicken anymore.) There is also no alcohol sold at the Commissary so you can't buy your food and your wine all together for some reason.

The checkout area is a complete disaster. There's one big long turnstyle line, you can't pick which lane you'd like to wait in. You need to present your military ID before you checkout. There are also 2 baggers at each lane. They will bag your groceries and take them to your car for you, but you better tip them and you better tip them well. I was unaware of this bagger-tipping practice and I think I really upset some baggers in the first few trips to the Commissary. I thought they were just being nice taking the groceries to my car for me. I really did! My first job ever was a bagger at a grocery store and I never got tips! We just did it as part of our customer service . I finally got the picture and gave a man $3 for bringing my 5 bags of groceries to the car. He stopped right there and counted it in front of me. Then made a face and walked away. Ok, apparently $3 is a lousy tip. Now I'm confused. How much am I supposed to give someone for doing something I'm perfectly capable of doing myself.

I figured I would avoid the whole tipping-the-bagger awkwardness and just take my own groceries to my car my damnself. That's what I've been doing my whole life anyway, right? Plus I absolutely never have cash on me, I've never even set up a checking account in North Carolina. It's just a pain to take out cash to be able to tip a bagger. I assumed (silly me!) that if the baggers don't take the groceries to the car, you're off the hook in the tippind department. Wrong again!! I actually went through the line, started to leave with my groceries and kids in the cart, and the bagger took a basket with a handwritten sign in it that said "Baggers work for Tips" and waved it right under my nose. Seriously!! I dug in my pockets and bottom of my purse and gave him all my change but I was completely mortified.

I'm not opposed to tipping the baggers on principal, but they are mighty aggressive and I just don't think I understand the whole thing. So here's my solution. I only buy less than 15 items at each visit and go through the self checkout. Needless to say, we go a few times a week. But that doesn't bother me a bit since I'm usually digging deep to find a reason to leave the house most days.

My very favorite thing about the Commissary however is the "The 7 Signs of Terrorism" sign on the doors.

The PX is the Post Exchange. It's sort of an all inclusive KMart or Target type of store. But they have some high end cosmetics and really nice hangbags if you're into that sort of thing. The prices are definitely lower than you'd spend most other places and again, there's no taxes so that's a bonus. You need to show your ID to enter the PX and you need to sign in any guests into a log book. I can't for the life of me think of what in the world they do with that log book.

The Commissary and the PX get ridiculously busy. Busier than anywhere else I've shopped. Especially in the rush hour times, and before holiday weekends. Military personel always have 4 day weekends for holidays. So true to form, yesterday at the Commissary was insane. It was also payday, another shopping day to avoid at all costs. They actually had traffic diverted at the entrance to accomodate.

This photo is complete unrelated but Gunnar posted it today and I can't stop staring so here you go...

Happy 4th of July to all of you!!!

Comms Blackout

2010-06-29T11:49:00.000-04:00

Occasionally Gunnar's unit has a comms (communication) blackout. That means that they shut down any and all forms of communication in and out of their outpost. Usually comms blackouts happen after some really heavy fighting, or if a soldier has been injured and family members need to be notified. I think there's some security reasons too. I don't understand very well what exactly they are protecting. I think it has a lot to do with making sure bad guys are listening to their conversations etc. I'm going to try to get some better information on the subject.

Fighting has been crazy intense over there lately. It's usually between 120 and 130 deg. F over there. I am always complaining about North Carolina heat and then remind myself to shut up. It's not like I have to carry 100 pounds of gear and walk for 6 miles in it. I can't even imagine what that's like. It's amazing that people live there in the first place. Aside from being completely overheated, and because of it, very grumpy, Gunnar is doing just fine.

I'm not sure exactly when he's coming home. We still have a few months to go and I wish I could get something more specific. I don't even really need to know the day. Just the month or week would be outstanding.

It's really hard to support the war there in general. I understand that the point is to eradicate the Taliban, so they will no longer have control over the country, and to help make Afghanistan a self-sufficient country. I do support my husband 100% and I want him to do whatever he needs to in order to come home to us safely. I have mostly feelings of disdain when I read articles or hear him talk about what he sees there. It's a crappy place. Gunnar posted this photo today though and I can't describe how it made me feel.

Isn't that awful? It makes me so desperately sad. Maybe we do need to be there so women can be treated with some dignity. Can you even imagine this being your life? The oppression and despair hit me to my very core. It hasn't always been like this there. I was in high school when the Taliban took over the government there.

I don't know how our military is going to fix the problems in Afghanistan. I think it's going to take a very, very long time to do it though.

Emotional Rollercoaster

2010-06-25T17:25:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling completely blah today. Going from instant messaging Gunnar a few times a day for a few weeks to an abrupt halt in communication is really tough. There are new reports every day of the escalated fighting in Afghanistan and this month marks the deadliest since the war started 9 years ago. It's so hard to be this nervous and worried for this long. It really is. And this deployment completely kicked my butt today. I had a very pathetic, oh-woe-is-me, stay in pajamas all day long, watch 4 Grey's Anatomy re-runs type of day. My kids were fantastic to indulge me in such a lame day of parenting. But, in my own defense, they are clean and fed and I did play Candyland 4,829 times today. I know logically that he is doing fine. Fighting a lot, but doing fine. I just really need him to tell me this himself. And soon.

A Little Fun in the Sun

2010-06-22T09:01:00.001-04:00

When I found out we were being stationed at Fort Bragg, I thought of all the fun beach vacations we'd be having. I didn't really think about having them without Gunnar though. As summer approached I started getting anxious and overwhelmed by the idea of taking two small kids to the beach by myself. How could I keep track of them both? What if one of them runs off? Or worse, runs into the ocean and drowns or something like that. I started thinking I should buy some of those swimming vest and make sure the kids were attached to me at all times. Gee, do I maybe overthink things?? A lot??

Well yesterday (with barely any planning at all), I loaded the kids in the car and we headed to the coast. It's about 2 and a half hours from Fort Bragg which is really nothing to us. The kids are getting pretty used to spending way longer in the car.

I had to pick a beach that had bathrooms and other general amenities. Logistically it's just a lot of work getting the kids dressed, SPF'd and ready to hit the beach, and even more work to get them de-sanded, re-diapered and ready for the ride home.

We went to Fort Fisher, part of North Carolina Parks and Rec. It was beautiful!! I really think we found a great spot. I think the kids agree. We'll definitely be making more spontaneous beach trips this summer. The only thing that would make it even more fun would to have Gunnar here with us.

Near Miss

2010-06-18T14:14:00.000-04:00

My husband was driving his MRAP (Mine Resistant Ambush Protected) truck with a handful of other guys last night when they encountered an IED (Improvised Explosive Device). They were very lucky to have avoided something much worse.

That's the hole that was left by the 500lb IED. The MRAP went airborn but Gunnar was able to recover control quickly and get to safety.

It's peak fighting season over there right now and I so scared and worried for his, and everyone else's safety.

He just needs to get through a few more months...

Oops!!

2010-06-13T16:00:00.000-04:00

I unintentionally screwed up somehow today. Here's what happened: I posted a video from msnbc.com today on my Facebook page. It showed an embedded reporter (Richard Engle, ooh la la, he is so handsome!) with Gunnar's unit, but different company. They came under attack and it showed some fighting and some injuries to US soldiers. It was on the msnbc page right there for the whole universe to see. Gunnar does have internet at the COP now and when he saw that I posted it he sent me a very serious sounding message telling me to take it down.

Of course I took it right down but I seriously don't understand the problem. Also, the unit's FB page instructed everyone to refrain from posting the link on the unit's page, and doing so would result in that person being blocked from viewing that page again.

This is obviously some really serious stuff. I respect the Army and it's request but I am left with a lot of unanswered questions. Why in the world does the Army allow embedded reporters and their cameras and then try to restrict families of these soldiers from seeing what they are doing? I've seen reports and documentaries from the same reporter on TV and the Internet. Why would it be a big deal to see the video on Facebook, even though you can go right on msnbc and find the same thing?

I hope I can talk to Gunnar soon and learn more about the details. I am just really confused about it I guess.

I'm too paranoid to post the link on here but you can find it online or email me and I'll send you the link.

OPSEC - As Promised

2010-06-10T16:04:00.000-04:00

I feel like I've missed out on loads of information since Gunnar was assigned to a unit that was already deployed while he was still in training. We didn't have deployment readiness training, or literature of any kind. We didn't have the deployment prep that other soldiers had. This is our first go at this crazy life together and sort of just stumbling through it blindly. To some military spouse veterans out there, a lot of information may seem intuitive, or second nature, but honestly to me, it's not.

OPSEC is the military term for "Operations Security" and there is a huge emphasis put on this. I'm only recently hearing about it via Facebook forums etc. I would assume if we had been part of this deployment from the start, I would have learned about this in a more direct way. The security they are trying to enforce relates to protecting the information we have about our soldiers from the enemies. I would like to safely assume that the Talibad does not in fact read this blog, but apparently that's some sort of a real possibility, according to OPSEC rules. And boy oh boy do they have a lot of rules. Here they are with regards to internet communication:

Do not post exact deployment dates or redeployment dates
Do not reveal camp locations, including nearby cities. After the deployment is officially announced by Military officials, you may discuss locations that have been released, normally on the Country level.
Do not discuss convoy routes (“we travelled through Takrit on our way to X”)
Detailed information on the mission, capabilities or morale of a unit
Specific names or actual nicknames
Personnel transactions that occur in large numbers (Example: pay information, powers of attorney, wills, etc)
Details concerning security procedures, response times, tactics
Don’t discuss equipment or lack thereof, to include training equipment
Don’t speculate about future operations
If posting pictures, don’t post anything that could be misconstrued or used for propaganda purposes. A good rule of thumb is to look at your picture without your caption or explanation and consider if it could be re-captioned to reflect poorly on coalition forces. For example, your image might show your Soldier rescuing a child from a blast site, but could be re-captioned to insinuate that the child being captured or harmed. (it’s happened!)
Avoid the use of count-up or count-down tickers for the same reason as rule #1
be very careful if posting pictures of your loved one. Avoid images that show significant landmarks near their base of operations, and black out last names and unit affiliations
Do not, ever, post information about casualties (coalition or enemy) before the official release of the information.
Do not pass on rumors (“I heard they’re coming home early”, etc)

So basically, I am not supposed to tell you how long we still have to wait before Gunnar comes home etc. I don't even want to count how many dozens of times I've violated these terms already on this blog. It's probably not a good thing but heck, it would have been nice to know this sort of stuff way back when, ya know?

Also, there is a lot of guilt-driven propaganda swirling around this OPSEC business. I understand the gravity of the situation and what's at stake but do you really need to see stuff like this:

I mean really! That's a little over the top, don't you think?

Or how about people strangely trying to find the humor in OPSEC...

Unicorns? Really?

Anyway, I'm going to make a conscious effort to not violate and OPSEC rules in the future and hopefully I'll see some dancing unicorns around here soon. And I'll just leave you with one last little gem...

I'm So Not Badass

2010-06-09T22:31:00.002-04:00

I came home this evening and found a big (no lie - this thing was a good 3-4 feet long) gross snake guarding my doorstep. Guarding it from what exactly, I don't really know. Definitely preventing me from getting in my house with the kids though. This is precisely the crap that I don't need in my life right now. I finally talked to Gunnar today after a week of zip/zero/zilch communication and everything he told me scared the bejeezus out of me. I am pretty sure I would be violated a trillion OPSEC rules if I said anything specific (more on that in another post) but suffice it to say I'm worried sick that something really bad is going to happen over there in that country.

Ok, back to me. And the creepy snake. I really tried to not freak out because I really wanted to not make my kids as irrationally terrified of snakes as I am, but no such luck. It just sat there staring at me, daring me to try to make it move. I called my brother Nathan - he is a very proud owner of 10 or 15 or hell, 20 snakes or something like that. I'm actually not exaggerating, by the way. He said to get a stick and just sort of lift it's body over and it will scoot away.

Ummm...

Yeah right.

I got the stick but couldn't physically make myself get that close to it. Then Nathan said to just agitate it a bit with something and it will go away. I (barely) tossed a few little pieces of gravel in it's general direction and all it really did was cock it's head toward me and keep staring. All I knew was that I wasn't going up against this snake at all.

Luckily some guy was walking his dog on the other side of the street and I begged him to come over and he shooed the stupid snake away from the door but it basically just went into the bushes somewhere. At least I was able to get into my house but I'm afraid I've done irreparable damage to my kids with my freak out session.

I know you're probably tired of hearing me say this but it bears repeating today: I can't wait for Gunnar to come home, and get the damn snakes the hell away from the house.

Just Me and The Kids

2010-05-30T08:36:00.000-04:00

I've been back at Fort Bragg for a few weeks now and the only other person I know on post has been out of town for all of it, and will be out of town for the next couple of months. That means that there are actually zero people here that I know, that know me or that could help me out if I needed anything. When I think of it in those terms it is actually amusing. For example, I started wearing shorts this year. For me, this is huge. These gams haven't seen sunlight but for a few random occasions since I was a kid. But guess what? Go ahead and judge my fluorescent white legs - you don't even know me! Ha! It's very liberating to know that I'm absolutely not going to run into someone I know, under any circumstances. There are a few other things though that can become a challenge that even I can't seem to find a solution to. Things like this:

1.) Getting a haircut. I love the girl that cuts my hair in Columbus so I know I'll just get it done next time I'm in town but damn. I just need a trim and I can't imagine trying to do that with two toddlers in tow.

2.) A doctor or dentist appointment. I can't even stomach the thought of trying to take the maniacs with me. Let's hope I don't get sick before Gunnar gets home, in the meantime I'll just schedule all of my body maintenance for after August.

3.) Going out after 7pm. Not that there's really a need for this but still, it's nice to know you can. My kids crash hard and are pretty awful to be around after 7:30-ish.

I'm sure there's tons of other things that we still do that I'm not sure everyone would try with two little kids. I mean, when I'm in the mood for a tall, cold draft beer or some hot chicken wings, you can believe me and the kids are on a patio somewhere enjoying dinner. They really are great company for the most part and we have a lot of fun together.

My next challenge is going to be how to take them to the beach myself. I am nervous about how I'm going to actually corral the both of them at the ocean without one of them getting swept away or drown or something like that. Oh yeah, and I need to actually find a beach to go to.

365

2010-05-27T10:43:00.001-04:00

It has been exactly one year since Gunnar left for his military training at Fort Sill, Oklahoma. Those first four months felt like an eternity. We had never been apart for more than a day or two in the eleven years we'd been together. I wish I knew then what our future was going to look like. I wish I had known he would be deployed to Afghanistan almost immediately after his training was complete. I still don't have any regrets that this is the path we chose, but I think I would have done a few things differently if I had known this is where we'd be (i.e. I'd never have moved to Fort Bragg!).

In the last year I've spent 6 non-consecutive weeks with my husband. I've become better at doing all of the parenting myself and all the crap that comes with that. Like getting two toddlers in and out of the car and unloading all the groceries myself and being 100% in charge of the discipline.

I will never, ever get used to being alone. And it never gets easier. I will always be counting down the days till we are together again. (80 more days until he starts heading home!)

Ha! Joke's on Me!

2010-05-23T09:04:00.000-04:00

Gunnar called yesterday with an interesting offer. He said the 1st Sgt that I had met at the FRG meeting was really impressed with me and would like me to consider taking a position as the new co-FRG leader. (Apparently 1st Sgt Barber doesn't read this blog!) He told Gunnar he appreciates that I speak well and am well educated and thinks I could really bring a lot to the Delta Company Family Readiness Group. I am going to need a little time to think this one over. The current co-FRG leader's husband is getting out of the Army in the fall, and that is when the position will be open. I am so not involved with anything at Fort Bragg, this would definitely give me no excuses but I really don't know if I'm cut out for something like this. Hmmmm. I'll have to think this one over for a while.

FRG Meeting

2010-05-19T09:55:00.001-04:00

I went to my first official Family Readiness Group (FRG) meeting last week. Every unit in the Army, Reserves and National Guard has it's own FRG. I didn't know this (because why would I know anything about the Army?) but apparently FRGs have really bad reputations for just being gossip circles basically. I realized this the first time my FRG leader contacted me to welcome me to Fort Bragg, and told me our FRG isn't like other FRGs because her husband is enlisted (not an officer) and somehow that was supposed to make a huge difference. It was a weird phone call to say the least.

Anyway, I got an email inviting me to the FRG meeting with a note that this meeting was going to be extremely important. I felt bad that I've been out of town for every single other regular meeting since I moved to Fort Bragg and since this one was going to be extremely important, I probably should go. The meeting was conveniently located at my neighborhood center too so I really had no excuses to not go.

I was surprised that there were only about 9 wives there. And 2 of them were my FRG and co-FRG leaders. There were a handful of other kids there which made it really hard to hear anything being said. Now, usually my kids are the maniacs in most situations but I was really trying to be a good mommy and I brought them quite toys, drinks, and even snacks to bribe them with. So it was pretty frustrating to have other kids acting crazy, and the moms just yelling at them even louder to be quiet (how does that even make sense anyway?).

The Delta Company 1st Sergeant was there to speak with us as he was home on R&R. I was catching little snippets of info here and there but the crazy kid next to me was banging his toys on the table and shrieking. 1st Sgt did say somewhere in there that the 2/508 (Gunnar's unit) will be deploying to Afghanistan again in September of 2011. I swear I almost fell off my chair right then and there. There were some rumors swirling around that they might be leaving 16 or 18 months after they get back. It's called "dwell time" - the time in between deployments. I know I got pretty close to crying when I heard that and 1st Sgt Barber came over and talked to me for a while. He had tons of really great things to say about Gunnar. And he said he'll likely be promoted to NCO (non-commissioned officer) within the next 3-4 months. I can't even begin to say how proud of Gunnar I am but the thought of only having him home for 1 year out of his 3 year enlistment makes my stomach hurt!

I didn't talk to too many people at the meeting. I introduced myself to the FRG leaders and did the polite nod and "hi" to the other ladies there. I really couldn't see myself hanging out with any of them though. I really completely feel like I just don't fit in all that well down here. But I'm ok with that. I hope the kids are okay with having very limited contact with other kids around here. I'm glad they have each other and that we do a lot of things with just the 3 of us. I don't want them to be socially awkward when they do eventually go to school, and I'm hoping these months of alone-ness don't do that to them.

I really doubt that I'll be going to another FRG meeting any time soon. There were actually zero "extremely important" information bits at the meeting. I fell for that line this time but I won't in the future.

R&R

2010-05-17T20:42:00.000-04:00

I've been meaning to tell you all about how the rest of the R&R time was having Gunnar home. For starters, R&R is short for The United States Rest and Recuperation Leave Program. I have to disagree with calling it "leave". They are coming home, we called it leaving when he left his home, family and life. Anyway, semantics aside, R&R is granted to soldiers that are "in theater" aka deployed for 1 year. I think soldiers with shorter deployments (6 months, 9 months) are not granted R&R.

All that said, there wasn't a heck of a lot of rest actually going on while he was home. Gunnar had a week of traveling just getting to Ohio, and when he finally did he was pretty jet lagged. Right smack in the middle of the 15 days of R&R my sister got married and the preparations took up a good amount of my time. We tried to get to all of his favorite restaurants and do lots of things with the kids, and also try to do some things just the two of us. Heck, Gunnar probably wanted to do a few things on his own too but I feel like the time just flew by so fast, I'm sure we didn't get to check everything off the list that we wanted to.

There were a few things that were really fantastic about the time we had together. Just some things that made me fall in love with him all over again, things I had desperately missed since he's been in Afghanistan. Here's a few examples:

It was really nice to get dressed up and have an actual date. A date involving red lipstick, a dress, dinner downtown and a hotel room with an amazing view. It had been way too long since I'd had a romantic night out!

Seeing Gunnar sitting across the table from me = heaven. Seriously, I didn't need to order food, I was totally just eating up the view.

To me this is priceless. The kids are pawing all over someone besides me for two weeks! It was so great to have them interact with their Daddy and he with them, like they've never even been apart. They absolutely couldn't get enough attention from him.

Fun times paddle boating.

Please note that he again has both kids with him. They really didn't want much to do with me once they got used to having Daddy around again. And after 7 months mostly alone with them, I was totally okay with that.

Precious Father/son moments like this. Could it get any sweeter?

He's laughing his butt off watching me trying to figure out the new camera. (The old one was damaged when he jumped over a city wall in Afghanistan).

Gunnar seriously fed the kids brownies and Capri-Suns for breakfast the day of the wedding. Please believe me when I say this would never happen on my watch. He spoiled those kids rotten while he was home.

While I was on wedding duty, Gunnar was in charge of dressing the kids and getting them to the ceremony. I'd say he did a pretty fantastic job. The kids looked adorable! He even did their hair.

Did I mention I got busy with wedding details? Yeah just little details like making and assembling a cake to feed 150 people!! A collaborative effort between me and my mom of course.

I love this photo. Just Gunnar and his buddies enjoying cigars at the wedding. Finally a little Rest and Recuperation for the man.

I love this man. I am so very impatiently awaiting his safe return.

No, Really

2010-05-10T09:23:00.000-04:00

I received a call Friday from my neighborhood center in NC. It was a panicky, frantic call and they were calling basically to make sure I'm still alive and not dead and decomposing in their house. I was pretty confused because I had called them way back when and told them the dates that I was going to be out of town. Being away for a few weeks really isn't that big of a deal but over a month is a really long time to be away from your home. I called the neighborhood office and asked them to please not deliver their silly newletters to my door, I set up a 'mail hold' through the post office. I was pretty sure I had covered all my bases. Apparently my nieghborhood office didn't take much notice of my phone call and the post office delivered my mail after holding it for one month. The woman that called made it sound like there was mail and all kinds of debris and mayham surrounding my whole house. Well, I changed my plans and decided to get down here as soon as possible (yesterday) to take care of the mess.

This is what my house looked like. Ok, aside from the lame newsletters in the door handle, right there is exactly how much mail I recieve in 5 weeks. Not exactly a matter of life or death right?? Is it bad that I was actually disappointed that I didn't have a mess to clean up?

In other news, Gunnar is still making his way back to Afghanistan. I had to drop him off Thursday morning at the Columbus airport. He flew to Atlanta but his flight to Europe wasn't till about 9pm that evening. I was so bummed. I wish I could have driven him to the Atlanta airport myself - we could have spent an extra day together! His flight finally took off around 11pm and they only made it about 2 hours in the air when they plan was having eletrical difficulties and had to turn around. Gunnar had taken a few Nyquil to make sure he would sleep on the flight so he was pretty darned confused about what was going on. By 5am he and 350 other military guys were checking into a Holiday Inn in downtown Atlanta. We had already said our goodbyes at the point several times so I was shocked to hear from him again. He stayed in Atlanta all day again and finally flew out Saturday night. I got a call from him last night and he was in Kuwait. We started to think he may never actually get back over there, which was totally fine by me.

Gunnar at the airport

I am having some major communication withdrawal. It's just so hard to go from talking nonstop for 2 weeks and then texting and phone calls nonstop for a few days to absolutely nothing. I hope I hear from him again soon. I think these next 3 months are going to drag so slowly.

Too Fast

2010-05-04T14:05:00.000-04:00

This R&R is going way too fast! I can't believe it's almost over and I've got to say goodbye to Gunnar again so soon. He leaves Friday morning to head back to Afghanistan. I've had a wonderful and amazing time with him home. It's been crazy and busy and stressful to have him here for my sister's weddding. There was so much to do that I feel like I barely saw him for 2 days. We are dedicating this week to relaxing and doing whatever it is we want to do though. I'm completely optimistic right now that I can get through the next 3 months of him in Afghanistan but I'm sure I'll change my tune as soon as I get back to North Carolina and reality smacks me in the face again.

My Golden Ticket

2010-04-27T23:09:00.001-04:00

Let me just tell you that I'm blogging on Gunnar's tiny netbook and it's late so I can't be too responsible for how this typing works out tonight. Gunnar finally got to town last Wednesday night around 6:30pm. He had mentioned more than a dozen times he just wanted to have a Sierra Nevada when he got off the plane and finally got a chance to have a beer after a 6 month hiatus (haha - try 9 months of pregnancy and no drinks!!). Anyway, I got super va-va-voom dressed up to pick him up from the airport. I stopped and grabbed a six-pack on the way and stashed it in a cooler in the car. I got to the airport a few minutes early, of course and waited for him at the gate. Oh my goodness, seeing him walk around the corner was no doubt one of the best moments of my life. Ever. I now know what they meant by "a sight for sore eyes". It was incredible when he scooped me up and kissed me! There were people shouting thank yous and god bless yous at him as we walked through Port Columbus. Seeing a soldier in uniform is definitely more of a novelty around here than in North Carolina. It was like I was on the arm of a celebrity or something!

I've got to admit there was lots of hugging and kissing in the elevators getting to the car. When we got to the car I realized that Gunnar didn't even know which one it was. I'd bought a new car a few months ago and though I had told him all about it, he was still getting to ride in it for the first time. We drove downtown with tons of chatter. He just kept saying how loud and bright everything in the US is. It was cute. We parked the car and a woman stopped us and very sincerely thanked Gunnar for his service. She was really sweet. We checked in at the hotel and front desk staff also wanted to thank him - this time by upgrading our room to a deluxe suite! And then she threw in a card for free breakfast the next day. This was getting more and more fun every time we had to talk to someone. Eventually we made it back out and got to our dinner reservations just on time. We got a special secluded table away from the rest of the dining area and had a wonderful dinner. Gunnar ate with fervor but was completely full well before our entrees arrived. He was fixated on having fresh vegetables and ice in his water. Two things that have been sorely lacking from his Afghanistan meals. At the end of the meal the server brought us a bag of desserts to-go "as a token of their appreciation". Holy crap, a girl could get used to living like this!

Back at the hotel, we stopped at the hotel bar for a nightcap. I honestly don't remember for a second what we were talking about at the bar, but at the end of the night, the bartender told us there was no bill. The man that had been sitting beside me at the bar paid for our drinks for the night. We must have been talking about Army stuff but I really have no idea. The next morning (after walking to the drugstore for hangover remedies for yours truly) we ate ridiculously expensive eggs at the hotel restaurant, for free, of course.

It was such a really awesome way to celebrate Gunnar's homecoming! We had a blast and I was loving every minute of it. I'm really glad he decided to fly directly to Columbus instead of to Fort Bragg. No one there would give a crap if a soldier was returning from Afghanistan, it happens there all the time. It was really special in Columbus though. We had a really great time. When we came home the next day (to my parents house), the kids were thrilled to see Gunnar. There was no awkward moment, no shyness, no uncertainty, like I thought there might be. And we've been having a blast every day since he's been here.

It's hard to not be constantly counting the days - knowing that I only get him for 15. But I'm really trying to just enjoy what I have right this very minute and not think about saying goodbye to him again.

Spain

2010-04-21T11:46:00.000-04:00

By now I should know better than to actually make plans for anything. But I don't. Gunnar called me with his itinerary, flight information and schedule. I reserved a table for two at his favorite restaurant, got a fabulous fancy hotel room downtown and started packing an overnight bag for the two of us. Then he tells me that they are staying overnight in Spain and he'll be home today at noon. I moved earth and sky to get Priceline to reimburse me for the hotel cancelation, and re-booked for tonight. Then yep, you guessed it, he called again and said they decided to stay even longer in Spain and flying out the next day. I have no flight information, not even a rough guess when he's coming home. He could be flying right now, but I really don't have a clue. I hope he makes it in at a reasonable time tonight so we can have the romantic date we've both been anticipating for so many months now. I asked where they were going to have them sleep overnight in Spain. Poor guy said that they are looking for a gymnasium floor, or something similar for the night. I can't wait for him to get home so he can have a comfortable place to sleep, good food to eat, and our crazy kids to jump all over him! How much longer do I have to wait?!

Kuwait

2010-04-18T13:28:00.000-04:00

Gunnar flew to Kuwait yesterday, the first leg of his trip home. The original plan was to fly from Afghanistan to Kuwait, then to Germany, Atlanta and finally Columbus. However that pesky volcanic eruption in Iceland is making the Germany part of the traveling impossible. He will fly directly from Kuwait to Atlanta now but not for another few days. We don't have an exact itinerary just yet. As a matter of fact, I won't know Gunnar is in the US till he lands in ATL and gives me his flight information. So I guess I'm basically on standby and will only have a few hours to get ready to pick up my husband after not seeing him for 6 months. Sheesh!!

In my head I assumed he is in some Kuwaiti airport or something like that. I was wrong, as usual. There is a sort of holding place for traveling soldiers about an hour from the Kuwait airport. It's basically big huge tents and bunk-cots. There's coffee shops and fast food joints and Wi-Fi too though, so I'm sure Gunnar will find a way to pass the time. He is anxious to get home ASAP but still just happy to out of the war for a little while. When we talked yesterday he had been binging on junk food that he hasn't had forever. He even tried to order a "Royale with Cheese" a la Pulp Fiction but they poor guy taking his order didn't get the metric system reference.

I'm hoping that when he does finally arrive in Columbus, it won't be in the middle of the night and we'll have some time to get dinner and have a nice little date, which is way too long overdue. The Army has a way of messing up plans left and right though, and at this point I'll happily take what I can get.

Big News, and Other Little News

2010-04-16T08:09:00.000-04:00

Big news - Gunnar got on a cute little helicopter to begin his journey home for R&R today. It's along process to get soldiers home for this type of thing. The end result is that I have no idea what time or even what day he's actually going to be arriving in the US but any day not spent at his COP and closer to civilization is a good day. He'll likely stay at the Kandahar Airfield (KAF) for at least two days before flying to Kuwait for up to a few more days. All of these en route days do not count as part of his R&R which is really awesome. As desperately as I want to see him, I don't mind a bit if it takes him a full week to travel home. If you add that kind of travel time onto both ends of his R&R, that makes it almost a month off from actual war activities. And that makes me smile.

KAF has lots of delightful amenities like internet, non-satellite phones with decent connections, and lots of comforts of home like places to buy Red Bull, Oakleys and TGIFridays. Recently Gen McChrystal decided to close many of the commercial entertainment establishments at KAF stating "This is a war zone, not an amusement park". I totally agree with him - it seems to be a sign we've been somewhere too long when Tim Horton's and movie theaters start popping up. But at the same time, those things are really nice for soldiers that have been living in tents and caves for endless months and a little taste of something like home is probably very comforting.

Oh! And then there's that pesky volcano in Iceland that is wreaking havoc on all travel between Europe and the US. It's possible Gunnar's travel would be delayed by that too but I don't have any details on that yet. Either way, my man will be home this time next week!!!! I barely slept the last two nights, I am too excited and can't stop thinking about him.

In other news, the other day when I talked to Gunnar he told me to get us a babysitter and get myself a fancy dress because we're going to our very first Military Ball Sept 23rd!! I am really excited about this. I've heard about these balls before and I'm so excited to have a fancy date with my husband. We haven't had too many occasions to do something like that in the last few years. Of course I already went out and bought the perfect dress.

Next time I post, I should be telling you about Gunnar actually being here!

Ohio, Baby!

2010-04-08T13:03:00.000-04:00

I freaking love Ohio. I really do. I take back all the crap I've said about it every winter of my life. It really is beautiful here. And we have amazing things like ridiculously delicious and creative ice cream, and a damn good cup of coffee that isn't Starbucks (not that there's anything wrong with Sbux, but I like having options).

Oh and the people, the lovely people that birthed me and raised me.

My adorable parents

My life long partners in crime

My big sister.

My little brother and sister.

Those five people make this crazy life, this crazy Army adventure so much sweeter and more stable and more fun. They are all here, we see eachother all the time. I miss them like crazy when I'm at Fort Bragg. They help make time go by so much faster and with more fun and more laughs.

Phew

2010-03-30T20:51:00.000-04:00

Big huge sigh of relief. I finally heard from the man and all is well in his crappy remote area of Afghanistan. I rambled on and on about everything that I was worried about and he told me, in his usual humorous way, "Babe, I live in a Taliban Retirement Community - nothing ever happens here". I have a pretty good feeling he's just trying to make me not worry so damn much, but I had to laugh anyway. We spent a lot of time dreaming and scheming what we'll do for fun when he's home for R&R (mid-deployment rest and recuperation). I am nervous about how the kids will react to him. I know my one and a half year old can point him out in pictures, but I wonder how she'll do face to face with him. I hope it goes smoothly and isn't awkward, I hope my 3 year old isn't shy and hiding behind my legs.

I'm heading back to Ohio soon. Time passes so much more quickly when I'm around my family. I'm a little bit proud that I was able to hang out at Fort Bragg just me and the kids for more than a few weeks this time. But I'm ready to have a glass of Chardonnay with my mom and these kids need to play with someone besides me for a change!

Still Worried

2010-03-25T08:20:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we got the details on the soldier that died on Monday. It was a stupied IED (Improvised Explosive Device) that hit the vehicle he was driving in. Four other soldiers were wounded as well. We basically get all of our information on Facebook, which seems weird at times but it's a good way to get information to a heck of a lot of people in one fell swoop.

I don't know any of the soldiers in Gunnar's unit, except for two that I met at their training graduation. Nearly the entire unit (which is the 2-508th Parachute Infantry Regiment, by the way) all deployed last August. My husband was still in training at the time, and a few of the 2-508 troops had babies coming in the fall so they stayed behind, got to meet their babies, then they, Gunnar, and his training buddies deployed. So any stories I hear of these soldiers wounded or killed or anything like that, I don't have a face to go with the name. I barely know any of their wives either. The soldier that died on Monday however, was the husband of the Charlie Co FRG (Family Readiness Group). I didn't know her well, but had met her at the 2-508 Christmas party a few months ago. They have a 13 year old son. A 13 year old son. I can't imagine what they're going through right now. I can't imagine how, at 13, he's going to get through this okay. His dad was on his third deployment to the Middle East. It sounds cliche to say that he gave the ultimate sacrifice, but he did. And so did his family.

I haven't heard anything about the 4 other wounded soldiers, or their status. I hope nothing is life-threatening, or limb-threatening. I hope everyone else gets to come home alive and well. I hope the Taliban gets a life or the US decides to leave them alone. I hope no one else has to die for this. I hope Gunnar calls today and tells me everything is going to be ok. How incredibly selfish and petty does that sound now? Very. I'm not going to stop worrying till Gunnar and the rest of 2-508 are home where they belong.

Worried

2010-03-24T10:32:00.000-04:00

I swear this damned deployment is going to give me an ulcer. Or some other physical manifestation of my stress and worrying. I know I just mentioned that there are big things happening in the region that Gunnar's unit is in, and just like that, it was reality. A friend of mine got the dreaded scripted message call from her FRG (Family Readiness Group) yesterday. They start off with "First of all, your husband is fine..." and then take it from there. Someone else's husband was not fine though. Gunnar is in Delta Company, where my friend's husband is in Charlie Company. It was a soldier in Charlie Company that was killed this week. Not my friend's husband, someone else in C-Co. I don't know if I made any sense just now. Basically this is the closest casualty that we've heard of in their unit. And it scares the shit out of me. I know rationally that if anything happened to Gunnar, I would know about it very, very quickly. But just knowing there was someone else so close that was killed is crazy.

I wasn't this worried about Gunnar's safety at any point in this deployment. I always had so much confidence that he is a badass soldier and he's going to come back home to me and our kids just fine. But hearing that story yesterday really made me stop and wonder if I'm an idiot for feeling that way. I just need to get through the next few months!!

No Tears

2010-03-23T07:52:00.000-04:00

I just realized last night that I haven't cried in a while. And that sort of scared me. I always say I'll never get used to this, and that it still isn't my "normal" to live without Gunnar. But what does that mean that I'm not a crying mess all the time still? Gah! This really bummed me out! I'm hoping it's because Gunnar is actually coming home for his mid-deployment R&R in the next few months. Maybe I'm just looking forward to seeing him that much. I still really miss him like crazy though.

We've been talking about every 4 or 5 days (actually I'm about due for a call today). The last time we talked he got me pretty worried. Apparently the Taliban are largely seasonal trouble makers. During the winter, they are very quiet, then when spring comes, so do they. The reason mainly is that as the trees and leaves and grasses grow in, there are more places to hide. I of course have zero details, and wouldn't be able to share them anyway if I did (that would be an OPSEC - Operational Security, violation) but there's a lot of big things brewing over there. Sounds scary, and dangerous, and if I knew more about it, I'd be sick worrying.

I just need him to get through thte next few months and come home to me and the kids.

What's that Noise?

2010-03-18T08:52:00.000-04:00

As previously mentioned, I pay way too much attention to what's going on around here. Truth be told, I don't have a lot to distract me and basically not much going on with life in general. Anyway, here's a funny story for you. When we first moved here I'd hear these crazy rumbles, it sounded just like thunder. So me, being not at all any type of meteorologically inclined gal, would look outside, expecting to see rain clouds and dark skies. But it would be beautiful out! (I have to admit, one of the saving graces of this turd town is the stunning skies. I swear they are bigger and bluer than Ohio skies.) Anyway, I'm getting off track. Well, this is actually what I was listening to: (I have to apologize for not being quite savvy enough to actually embed the video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3oWY-Kxzx0

Nice huh? I think it's a sign that I might somehow be adjusting to living on this Army base because last night we had a crazy thunderstorm and it was raining cats and dogs around here.

The whole time, I was thinking to myself "why the heck are they practicing artillery fire at this hour?

Fort Bragg - Still a Mystery

2010-03-12T08:54:00.000-05:00

I wish I had a better Fort Bragg orientation, or introduction to living on an Army base. There are so many things that I just don't understand about living here. Maybe it's that I am extremely aware of what's going on around me. The runway at Pope Air Force Base draws a line right over my house and I love, love, love seeing the airplanes fly so low over us. Chalk that up to having a pilot mom, obsessesed with anything with wings and a motor, and you'll find me running outside just to see the belly of a C-130 cruising right over me.

I guess I just really want to know why they are flying right then. Is it training? Are they going somewhere overseas? I fully understand this is none of my business. At all. I'm just really curious what going on around here. I know if Gunnar were here, he'd be able to tell me a thing or two or a hundred. I can't wait for him to come home and help explain some things about this place.

Take last Friday, for example. Every soldier I saw around base was wearing their dress uniforms. I'm sure there is a more technical name for these but basically they all looked like this:

Was it a holiday? Were there ceremonies of some kind? Some important dude's birthday? Was it a sad day? A funeral? A happy day? Did soldiers come back from a deployment? (By the way, I just learned that when soldiers return from a deployment, it's called redeployment- counterintuitive as all get-out but that's military-speak, I guess.)

Typically the soldiers always wear their ACU's on normal days around here. ACU's are Army Combat Uniforms. They look like this:

It's a funny uniform, if you ask me. They are walking around base all day long with the boots and camoflauge, just in case, well, I have no idea really. Just in case they need to quickly blend in with their surroundings?

Obviously there is a lot I still need to learn around here. I'm getting more and more excited about having this life here at Fort Bragg but with my husband here. It's going to actually be a lot of fun. The latest (and by far greatest) rumor these days is that Gunnar's unit will redeploy back here in August! I hope like all hell that it's true, because I'd love to have a little bit of summer left to enjoy with him. I can't get the image of sitting on the patio, drinking cold beers, grilling some dinner, out of my head!

Head First

2010-03-11T14:54:00.000-05:00

I got a call from Gunnar last week. We've been talking about once or twice a week lately which is wonderful. If I haven't heard from him for a few days, I know a call will be coming soon, and it usually does. He usually gives me a brief rundown of what he and his platoon have been up to (the new COP is mostly built now, and he's been doing lots of night patrols and still training the Afghan Nat'l Police), then I tell him crazy stories about our crazy kids and he laughs his ass off. Well, last week he tells me he had a bit of trouble going over a wall to get into the city.

I always wondered why the military makes the guys practice jumping over walls but the most obvious reason is that the bad guys like to set explosives at the main entrances to the towns. Hence, jumping over walls is seemingly much safer. Well Gunnar and his squad were jumping over a wall about 6 feet high, but dropped off more like 10-12 feet on the other side. He clearly remembers jumping up one side of the wall, but not so clear on what heppened next. He was told that his head hit a tree branch on the other side, which knocked him off balance and then landed on his head. Ouch!! Then next thing he remembers is the medic standing over him, as he regained consciousness. He was put through a series of brain injury tests and failed them all miserably so the mission was aborted and they headed back to the COP. He had a wicked headache for a few days and when they retested him for a brain injury he scored just 1 point higher than what would require him to be med-evac'd (medical evacuation) out of Afghanistan for treatment and recovery. One point. One point!! While I'm so thankful and happy that he isn't injured, boy, I would have loved to hear he was transported to a safer place.

The headache is now gone, and he is back to business as usual. As if there is anything normal about what they're doing over there.

Cue: Freak Out

2010-03-08T12:07:00.000-05:00

I've run into some car trouble and my junker is on it's last leg. I've got to make some decisions about how the chunk is either going to be a) repaired, or b) replaced. It's going to be pricey to repair and frankly, it's just not worth that much. I can get it driveable again, but it's going to need a lot more work in the near future. I thought I might try to replace it, which is a little tricky since I don't work. I have a power of atty for my husband, but I just learned that along with that, lenders also would like either a phone call or an email (only from the Army's email account) from my husband that allows me to take out a loan in his name. I explained to the lady at the bank that he has no internet service and can't call whenever I need him to. She basically said too bad, that's what we need from him to get you a loan. Then I started crying and hung up on her. I'm so awesome.

On top of all of this, I actually missed a call from Gunnar yesterday - completely didn't hear my phone, and missed the call by exactly 2 minutes. Thank goodness that I had company and couldn't cry the rest of the day (like I normally would have). I broke my awesome streak of never missing his call for the last 4 months.

Other than all of those fun messes, I had an amazing weekend with a great friend. That's right, I actually had visitors!! It was wonderful to have someone to hang out with and cook with and laugh with and I'm so grateful.

Well I've got some stuff to figure out. Wish me luck!

The Friend Thing Again

2010-03-01T23:22:00.001-05:00

I do honestly try to not judge people. I accept differences and appreciate them. Having said that, it is becoming more and more obvious that I don't actually like too many people - possibly a contributing factor in that I don't have many friends on this here Army base. I spent way too many hours getting a simple car repair done today and there was a gal in the waiting room with a kid the same age as my oldest. We nodded politely and corrected our respective children when they were acting up.

We eventually had to start an actual conversation when her daughter kept asking me to read books to her. Of course she was in the same situation as me, husband deployed, doesn't know anyone in Fort Bragg yada yada yada. We decided to take a walk with the kids to pass the time after I had read the same 3 books 28,462 times. While we were walking and chatting, we had to constantly remind the kids to stay with us, hurry up, stop, don't run, run, watch for cars, stay close by etc since we were walking along a busy road with no sidewalks (boo for Fayetteville and their anti-pedestrianism).

Well my new pal took a slightly different approach and yelled at her kid to not run and get hit by a car "because you'll get killed and when Daddy comes home, he'll shoot me!".

Seriously, this is what the woman is telling her kid, so she'll pay attention and walk with us. Maybe I'm overprotective, but I would never mention anything about anyone shooting anything to a 3 year old! I like to think I'm fairly moderate as a parent, not too harsh, if anything too lenient, so to hear stuff like that makes me insane. How the heck am I supposed to explain that to my kids? And then explain she was being dramatic? Sarcastic? Insane? Well that pretty much made up my mind that I really don't need her as a friend. Honestly, that's not the kind of thing I want my kids to hear. I can assume that if that's what she says when she's trying to cross the street, it can only get worse ya know?

This scenario, right here, is why I don't make friends easily. I made a judgement that this is not who I would want my kids around, and since they are always with me, hanging out with that chick again is a no go.

Everyday

2010-02-28T09:40:00.001-05:00

Every day there is something that makes me miss Gunnar so intensely I feel like I can't breathe for a second. For the last week, I've been assembling a few new pieces of furniture (big ones with a hundred pieces, of course) and doing some work around the house. All of these activities really made me wish he was around, not just to help carry the heavy stuff and turn the screwdriver some of the time, but to help decide which picture looks best on which wall, and to enjoy the place with me when I've finished. I have a few battle wounds - blisters from screwing dozens of nails into wood pieces etc but the real kick in the pants was trying to open a stupid bottle of maple syrup! I decided I like my kids well enough to buy them real maple syrup (have you ever read the ingredients on Mrs. Butterworth's? It's just so wrong!) and I swear it took me 20 minutes to get the top off of it. I am stubborn by nature, and I really couldn't let the syrup win the battle but I really could not open the sucker!

While I'm struggling with all this my 3 year old says "You should call Daddy, he is a big strong man. He can help you Mommy. You should call him right now." Oh hell. How am I supposed to keep it together when I hear things like that? Anyway, eventually the kids got syrup on their pancakes but damn - it just would have been nice to have a little help.

Then yesterday, I took the kids for a walk/jog (who am I kidding - it was mostly walking!) after dinner and I saw a girl trying awkwardly to hang a banner from the front porch. Of course it was a "Welcome Home Daddy!" banner. I could tell she was struggling to I asked if she needed a hand, which she accepted. The poor girl couldn't swing a hammer to save her life, and I got the banner hung in a matter of minutes. I asked a few open-ended questions, just to have a chat with someone with whom I obviously have a lot in common. She wasn't too receptive really and she didn't even tell me her name! So there was another failed attempt at being friendly around here. I apparently don't make friends too easily, I'm realizing. Anyway, I was a little jealous that she gets her husband back tomorrow. I'm sure he's been gone a year, just like mine will be, but it just made me miss Gunnar that much more yesterday.

Soldiering

2010-02-26T11:08:00.000-05:00

I talked to Gunnar for a half hour or so the other morning. Aside from the usual laments about general disdain for the Afghan community he is surrounded by, he is actually doing some pretty neat things over there. Previously most of his missions were patrolling the town, occasional Taliban body snatching, running checkpoints, and standing guard over the town's bazaar. Since then, Gunnar has been promoted (which makes me so freaking proud of him - you don't even know) and has been in charge of running these missions. He generally is put in charge of 5-7 other guys and he takes the responsibility really seriously. I guess there is a strong effort to make nice with the townspeople recently though so some the the focus has shifted too. Gunnar took an interpreter with him and just the two of them went into town and chatted with one of the town elders. They drank chai and talked for a few hours. This is the type of thing he is doing over there. It all makes very little sense to me and every time I hear stuff like this I think it's all just so crazy over there. It's definitely a very ancient civilization, not much more than huts or shacks to live in, tented bazaars in the middle of the town, and sheep and goats everywhere you look. There are a lot of AK-47s too, and old yellow Toyota station wagons. There are very loose traffic guidelines and no one to enforce them. To hear Gunnar tell me stories of 4-5 kids riding in the trunks of cars, and 9 full grown men riding in the front and back seats, just makes me shake my head. Sometimes (I know this is bad) it makes me laugh so hard - not to make fun of these people, but just at the level of ridiculousness of the whole place. And how can our military fix crazy shit like that? I mean really? We can try to take out as much of the Taliban as possible, but that is a huge and very widespread network of bad guys. Did you know that more than 90% of the world's opium (used to make heroin) is grown in Afghanistan? And the A-stan president's brother is the one in charge of it? It's corrupt, it's ridiculous, and it would take 100 years to undo what's been done over there. But I guess in the meantime, Gunnar will be sipping chai, and making new friends with old men. This stuff is crazy!!

To Decorate or Not to Decorate - that is the question

2010-02-24T08:08:00.000-05:00

I've been keeping myself busy the last few days (well, trying to anyway) working on some home improvement projects. I really like our house on post. It was very apartment-ish though with all the white wall, white blinds, white linoleum and beige carpet. I had Gus's room set up pretty early on because he already had lots of colorful things to use, curtains my mom made, paintings my sister made etc. But the general living area is pretty dull. We have one gigantic room that is the dining and living room and it was just big and plain and echo-y with the lack of decor. So I started installing curtain rods, buying and hanging curtains and wow! What a huge change! It's really starting to look more like a home and less like a place we're just staying at for a bit. Then last night I was admiring my handiwork and was struck with the thought that Gunnar will be coming home to a totally different place than he left. It made me so sad to think of it that way. It seems totally ridiculous to not buy a new rug, some curtains and new bedding (can I get a hell yeah for tax returns?) so this place is welcoming and comforting and cozy for me and the kids. But a big huge part of me wants this place to be exactly the same for him.

I wonder if it would bother him if he went to grab a dish towel and can't find them because I decided 7 months ago I like them in a different drawer. Would he be upset about things like that? Every time I buy a new article of clothing for the kids I think of Gunnar seeing them in it and not even recognizing it because it wasn't here when he left. Those are things that would really bother me if I were away for a long time. I don't know why, but they would.

I guess I've made up my mind that I am going to get this place looking good and not waiting for Gunnar to go shopping with me for area rugs. I really hope he likes what I'm doing with the place. The curtains I ended up with look more feminine than I anticipated but they were a pain in the ass to hang so they're staying put, dammit. To make up for all the floral I got sleek modern bedding that I think he'll really like!

It's too early right now, but once I get around to hanging pictures, I'll post some pictures of the place.

And We're Back

2010-02-22T19:07:00.000-05:00

Back in North Carolina enjoying the warm February sun. Ok, so I have to admit the weather around here is pretty awesome. I was so happy to wake up and not see snow! It had been quite a while since that happened. So in the deployment world, we are 4 months (the same amount of time he was in training this summer) into this nonsense and still making it through. Gunnar's birthday was yesterday and he called us and a few other people too. Apparently the signal for the satellite phone that he uses had been upgraded somehow and we were able to have a clear conversation for the first time in months. Usually the call is dropped several times and Gunnar ends up quite frustrated. He is definitely not in love with Afghanistan or the Afghan people. He hasn't had a day off since moving to the new Combat OutPost and is completely exhausted. His days generally consist of building the COP during the day, and going out on patrol each night. Basically that leaves him with very little time to eat or sleep and subsequently he is losing a lot of weight and the grumpiest I may have ever heard him.

People ask me pretty frequently if Gunnar regrets his decision to re-enlist. There's a lot of complicated ways to answer that. And no really clear answer. Some days, hell yes he regrets it. But most days the pros outweigh the cons and we just keep looking forward to being back together. There are a lot of perks to the military lifestyle in general, the biggest drawback being these long separations. Our future still is a big huge question mark. We are going to have to decide if Gunnar is going to re-enlist in a different MOS, stay Infantry, finish these 3 years and get out of active duty, enlist in the Reserves. Lots of things to consider. Right now I am just trying to get through this stupid deployment and get him home safe and sound.

No News = Good News, except not really

2010-02-03T14:58:00.000-05:00

So it's been a few weeks since last talking to Gunnar. I know logically and practically that if something were to go terribly wrong if Afghanistan, I would know about it pretty darned quick. But these huge gaps in communication make me worry still. This is so far the longest we've gone without speaking or instant messaging or something. And basically I'm just not dealing with it all that well. I will never get used to this. The first few months of the deployment weren't that bad, compared to now. We were talking on a semi-regular basis and still seeing pictures of Gunnar and his platoon frequently. Now, I got nothing. No idea how he is or what he's doing. There was a recent update by the commander that said Gunnar's company just got hot showers for the first time in weeks. Some of them are even turning their port-a-potties into makeshift showers. Seriously?! Is this the best the United States Army can do for it's soldiers? Seems pathetic to me! I can only imagine what the conditions are really like. I assume that the information we get is filtered many times and that they only tell us what they want us to hear, which isn't much.

The good news is, we made it past the 3 month mark. Seems like a decent milestone in the grand scheme of things. In a few more months (dates uncertain) Gunnar will get to come home for 2 weeks for his R&R break. I'm definitely counting down the days till he gets here, and already dreading having to say goodbye to him again.

One Thing

2010-01-19T21:45:00.000-05:00

Okay okay score 1 for Fayetteville! I finally found something I like about this place. Are you ready? 68 DEGREES IN MID-JANUARY. That's what I'm talking about my friends. It's amazingly beautiful here right now. I can genuinely appreciate it having spent most of my years in Ohio. It has been sunny and the clearest, bluest skies and mildest temps I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing for several days now. And I've got to say, it does wonders for my mood. Sure, I haven't talked to my husband in a week and a half, but damn - we play outside every day! Without snow suits, mittens, hats, coats, boots, and scarves. I'll admit, it is unseasonably warm right now but for now I'll take it.

The kids and I did a little exploring in historic (read: old, decrepit) downtown Fayetteville this morning. It is charming and quaint from a distance. Up close you'll realize half the store fronts are empty and for lease. We did have lunch outside in a cute albeit overpriced sidewalk cafe. I didn't even care I spent $7 on a grilled cheese for the kids because I was sitting in the sun drinking coffee in January.

Here's the kids at lunch today. (I have no idea why Gus makes ridiculous faces/gestures in pics these days - must be a 3 yr old thing.)

This one, on the other hand, looks like she's quite enjoying herself.

I shouldn't really complain about all this fun we were having, but really it made me miss my guy even more. This would be so much fun if he were here! The more time I have to sit and ponder my weird situation, the better I can pinpoint exactly what I'm missing. Right now for example, I miss having someone close to me that actually appreciates imported beer and the occasional microbrew as much as I do. Gunnar and I are so different in so many ways but we actually do have a lot of common interests, thoughts, views on the world etc. I miss having someone around that knows me and still likes me for my weird interests, thoughts and views. I can't wait to have that validation back. Also, it'd be really nice to open some doors and windows around here but I'm still too scared too! I think about that every day..."if only Gunnar were here, we'd have some nice fresh air in here". How weird is that?

Haiti vs. Afghanistan

2010-01-15T10:21:00.000-05:00

I have really serious issues with natural disasters. I am Catholic and have gone to church (mostly) my whole life and should have some sort of faith at this point but I gotta say, natural disasters are like sweeping the rug of faith right from under my feet. After the tsunami in the Pacific a few years back I was done. So done. No god could ever ever ever in a million years allow for such devastation to hurt so many people. It just can't work like that. Even the lovlier than lovely Jehovah's witnesses that came and sat on the porch all summer long trying to explain that incident away couldn't make it work. And those people, those people have and answer for everything. Just ask them.

So way back in the day when Gunnar was active duty Army and I was in grade school or something, he did a mission or two in Haiti. I couldn't tell you what the purpose was or anything like that and if I could talk to him on the phone ever I'd ask for the details. Well, the 82nd Airborne, out of the one and only Fort Bragg, is heading to Haiti today (or yesterday or something like that) and I can't even explain how much I wish Gunnar was going with them! I guess it's the 17th Cavalry or some other brigade or battalion or whatever but wouldn't it be so great if they could get out of Afghanistan and go somewhere and be useful? I mean, the vast majority of Afghans that Gunnar has encountered certainly don't want our military there. And then there's Haiti that is completely devastated and need every ounce of help they can get. I just wish our Army could go where they are needed, wanted and appreciated. It's a noble and worthy reason to be there. I really hope the guys that are heading there can help get things cleaned up and organized.

I hear lots and lots of stories about what's it's really like in Afghanistan when I do get to talk to Gunnar. It's far worse than any news report that I've heard so far. People there live in awful conditions - barely fit for humans. There are so very many non-government organizations, coalition forces, armies from other countries, government agencies all trying to educate Afghans, improve the quality of life in some way, build roads and bridges etc. And then it gets blown up and everyone starts over. What in the world are we still trying to do there? It's ridiculous! It makes me lose faith in so many things.

Fayetteville - Still Not My Favorite Place on Earth

2010-01-13T12:47:00.000-05:00

One of my biggest fears about moving to an Army base was the safety issue. I don't like to be all gloom and doom about humankind, or maybe I watch too much CSI, but there are some obvious things to worry about around here. This is a place with over 5,000 homes for the families of soldiers and clearly in a time of war, many of those homes are man-less. (I know, I know, women deploy too but that's not what I'm talking about here.) It seems to be that it's an obvious fact that there is a whole heck of a lot of women home alone a lot of the time. I'm not a paranoid person by nature but I think I've mentioned before I really don't like living alone (with kids!) in a place that's still strange.

And then my fears are realized when it's all over the news there is a serial rapist making attacks in the area. Great. That's just great. The vast majority of the attacks (so far there's been 9 - yikes) have happened off post, in the Fayetteville area, but he did manage to get on base and attack a woman here too. If I had issues sleeping at night before, they just got worse!! This little bit of info I've decided to not share with Gunnar till he comes home. I know he'd be worried sick about something happening to his family and he really doesn't need that stress when he's got enough going on over there. I think I'm going to look into some self defense classes on post and see if there's anything available. I'm hoping this house is pretty sturdy and the doors and locks are not the usual apartment grade crap. But you can believe they'll all be locked as well as can be!

What's With All This Reintegration Business?

2010-01-10T15:43:00.000-05:00

While I will never be able to say I understand what soldiers go through, I imagine it's a lot tougher than civilians like me think. Gunnar probably avoids telling me things that would stress me out or make me worry about him. I don't pretend like I know what it feels like to be shot at, or shoot at someone else. I would never even begin to act like I know what it's like. That being said, I don't really understand what the big deal about post-deployment family reintegration. It sounds like pure bliss to have my family back together. There are ads all around post and on military websites about how to deal with post deployment family issues etc. I am not that naive that I think every family would be all rainbows and sunshine every minute of every day. I live (mostly) in the real world and know relationships require work, sometimes lots of it. I just can't see what would be so hard about having your husband home, or wife, or whatever. Barring psychological trauma I would think easing back into family life should be fairly seemless. Maybe I'm way off base here. I guess we'll find out in 9 months or so.

I'm not gonna lie, there are some things that do get a bit easier with a household made up of just me and the kids. Less laundry, less spent on grocery bills, less work to clean the bathrooms. None of that can ever make up for the lonliness, the empitness, the sadness of being so far away from my husband.

Hello 2010!

2010-01-06T07:46:00.000-05:00

Well the holidays are done and over with and I'm back in North Carolina. We set a record longest ride ever wasting a half hour driving around god-knows-where West Virginia looking for new wiper blades for my car. The drivers side wiper blade rubber part tore away from the blade itself and wasn't clearing the windshield in just the exact area I needed to see out of. Seriously the whole darned windshield was crystal clear except one big smear in front of my face. All the gross sludge and old snow on the roads just kept making it worse of course. When I decided I definitely needed to replace the stupid thing was when I realized both kids had miraculously fallen asleep. That's a boat I'm certainly not willing to rock since they hate the traveling so much. So I crouched down and watched the road from a little spot way down by the dashboard for and hour and a half while they slept.

I stopped at a "TravelMart" in mid-West Virginia. Seemed like a logical place to get automotive odds and ends typically needed by travelers. Of course all they had were WV shot glasses and onesies. (Have I mentioned before how much I dislike the whole entire state of WV? Nothing good ever happens there.) Anyway they directed me to a few exits down where I could find a "GoMart" (somehow much different than a "TravelMart". I did find wiper blades there and I do have the basic automotive skills to do a small fix like that. However, when the little clippy thing that holds the old, decrepit, falling apart wiper blade in place is all corroded and jacked up, it makes the job go not so smoothly. I managed to get a trucker to lend me his jackknife to free the little clip and it was easy from that point. The whole scenario just sucked though. It makes me wish I still had my man around! Ok - truth be told, I'm usually the one fixing Gunnar's car. He isn't bad at car stuff, I just seem to be the one doing it most of the time. I replaced his water pump, he handed me tools. So it's not like I really needed him there to do it for me or anything like that. It's just when you're stuck in dumb situations like that, it's nice to have your support person there. Or at least not feeling like you are doing everything on your own.

Gunnar called on New Year's Day to chat for a few minutes. His company was moving to a new FOB (Forward Operations Base) in Afghanistan the following day. They are building it from the ground up, not joining an existing base and have to do a ton of work on it before it's actually safe and liveable. He won't have access to running water, showers, internet or phone for a few weeks. Which makes me think they weren't really ready for the guys to move to the new FOB but what the hell do I know? I am learning (still!) to have low expectations for communication with him so I can be pleasantly surprised when I do hear from him.

Here's some recent pics from Afghanistan.

I'm definitely hoping that 2010 flies by, for the most part. I can't wait to see this guy again!

Merry Christmas

2009-12-26T07:15:00.000-05:00

Christmas was wonderful with my family - but Christmas without Gunnar was really freaking hard. I don't want to do this anymore.

OH - NC - OH - NC - OH - NC - OH ...

2009-12-15T08:36:00.000-05:00

I'm packing up the kids and half the house and heading back to Ohio to spend the holidays with our families. Only problem being, Ohio is 8.5 hours away and the kids passionately hate the car ride. I can't blame them, they are some active kids (as any 1 year old and 3 year old should be) and don't enjoy being strapped into a seat for hours on end. Most kids would nap for a large portion of the drive, I assume, but mine have not too much interest when we're driving. Specifically the 1 year old, she will usually sleep for 3 solid hours when we're home and she's in a bed. On the road, she's good for about 15 minutes of sleep then goes back to screaming like she's being murdered mode.

I have to arrange the car just right so I can reach the toys, sippy cups, books, DVDs, snacks, tissues, and directions. Yep that's right, no thanks to the ridiculously lame North Carolina freeway system, I still need directions until I get to Virginia. We only make one stop on the way, which sounds kind of hardcore I'm sure but stopping more than absolutely necessary would only prolong the torture.

Every one of these drives makes me wonder why the heck I just don't stay in Columbus. I am only keeping this house in NC so Gunnar has a home to come back to when he returns. And since I have no idea when that will be, I think it's important to keep this place. Not that I want to. Being here and alone makes me miss him more. I haven't spent much time thinking about what Christmas is going to be like without him. It will be our first Christmas apart since 1999 I think.

I am always amazed how much work it actually is for me and the kids to be away for a few weeks. The lists I make of things to take seem to get longer and longer every time!

I'll try to keep this updated while I'm back home, if I can tear myself away from actual adult conversations.

Fort Bragg Friendliness

2009-12-12T21:01:00.000-05:00

Tonight was the 2-508 (that's Gunnar's Battalion..I think, I'm pretty sure actually) Holiday party! I was actually looking forward to tonight for a lot of reasons. First, it was a reasonable enough reason to wear something other than running shoes. I actually coordinated an outfit, did my hair and wore makeup. I looked pretty alright too compared to every day this week that I couldn't be bothered with any of that because I didn't leave my house barely. Second, Santa was going to be there and it was at some sort of arcade/pool table/pizza & wing joint on base that I'd never been to and figured my son would think it was cool. Third, I took it as an opportunity to actually meet some people around here! How great would that be?! To actually have some people around here talk to and hang out with would be pretty ok. Generally I don't make new friends super easily although I really don't have a problem talking to people I don't know. I just don't actually like that many people when I meet them. Sounds bitchy, doesn't it? Anyway that's really besides the point because I didn't meet a single person. I went with my pal Ashley and her two daughters and when we arrived the party room was standing room only so we were banished to the general arcade area and only able to pop in the reserved room occasionally to grab some food etc.

The people I did try to talk to couldn't be bothered to have any sort of conversation with me. Most people there seemed to know a lot of people already. I totally expected that, and certainly didn't expect anyone to be there waiting for me with a big welcome sign. I just thought the general attitude and vibe of the event would be just a tad more welcoming, more inviting, more friendly. It was a let down for sure.

And it really doubled the always present feeling of being completely isolated down here.

Hair and make up done...Ta Da!!!!

What is HE doing here?

2009-12-10T08:36:00.000-05:00

This is going to sound horribly selfish but since this is my little blog and I can say pretty much whatever I want to, I'm going to share this little feeling I've been having. Every time I see soldiers around base I really want to know what he is doing here. Seriously. Why is he here and not in Afghanistan? If my husband has to go over there for a whole damn year, why is that guy still here? And that guy? And that guy? Then I give myself a figurative smack in the face and think well maybe he just got back. Maybe he is leaving next month. Maybe he was there and injured and recovering or worse, completely traumatized or something. I realize they can't send every single soldier there all at the same time and there are jobs that don't actually require deployments. I think I just get super duper jealous when I see soldiers and their wives and kids, families together, because I wish it were me and my family.

My husband is the sexy one on the left...

To see more of these photos of Gunnar's platoon, check this out http://www.newsobserver.com/galleries/gallery/216690.html

Still Trying

2009-12-07T20:26:00.000-05:00

After a few weeks back up in Ohio for the Thanksgiving holiday, me and the kids are back here in Fort Bragg aka Home Sweet Home. And just trying to make it work, as usual. I have left the house twice since we got in Friday night. We went to the commissary once (my own version of hell basically) and to the beloved Bed, Bath and Beyond today. Not too exciting. So basically I don't have too much to report.

I missed an opportunity yesterday morning to chat with Gunnar on Facebook. I have mobile alerts set up so if he is on and sends me a message, it will go to my phone, I can hop online and we can have a chat. This opportunity is quite rare and relying on electronic communication is always a little sketchy. Anyway, there was some sort of a delay in the electronic universe and by the time I knew he was online, his time on the computer was like 14 seconds away from being up. So I cried for a long time. It seemed like a long time anyway. I can't really handle the idea of missing a chance to hear from him in any sense of the word. I obsessively check my phone constantly to make sure it's on, the volume is up, it's fully charged etc. If I wasn't neurotic enough before this deployment, I certainly will be by the end of next summer.

Gunnar was able to call a few hours later. I might have mentioned before that we definitely always keep our conversations light and funny as all hell. It's great stress relief for both of us. I for one, am the world's biggest, most frequent cryer, so it's an accomplishment for me to not have a breakdown the second I hear his voice. All the strength in the world couldn't stop the water works yesterday though and poor Gunnar had to listen to me sobbing, making likely zero sense till I calmed down enough to have an actual conversation. Talk about a waste of some very expensive international calling card minutes!! It was, as always wonderful to hear him though. He is still doing really well. His platoon is very active and that worries the shit out of me constantly but they are all very capable soldiers. They seem to get called in any time any one needs some extra umph. I cannot for one second imagine what it's like to have people actually shooting at me. That's the kind of thing they are going through every day too. It's too hard to understand what any of it is really all about either. I gave up trying.

All we can really do is hope every last one of those soldiers comes back healthy.

Then and Now

2009-11-18T12:38:00.000-05:00

Gunnar has been in the Middle East for almost 1 month now. I am looking forward to the 1 month milestone because it seems like time has actually passed somehow! Our life one month ago was so very different from it is today. I personally can't speak for Gunnar's day to day activities. I know very little about how and where he is actually living. But last month at this time, oh let me just tell you - it was nearly perfect! Gunnar left for work in the morning, was home for a nice lunch midday, done for the day mid afternoon and we had all evening to be together! I had dinner made, we had meals at the table as a family. Life was good.

Life now is just missing something. Something huge. It's Gunnar. I love him and miss him like crazy. I had the mindset to just get through every day so tomorrow will come and we can just get through that day too. Then a really very wise and incredibly inspirational woman told me I need to actually live this time and not just get through it. Truer words were never spoken, I'd say.

I'm really going to work on changing how I am living this year without Gunnar.

What a Difference a Day Makes

2009-11-15T13:30:00.001-05:00

I was getting pretty down in the dumps after not hearing from Gunnar for a week straight. That's something that I can simply never get used to. When two people's lives are really one life, which is what happens after lots of years together, if you're lucky, missing your other half is very profound. I just wanted to hear his voice and know that he is ok.

So last night when the phone rang at 11:37pm with a funky number on the caller ID, I knew it was him. And guess what? He sounded great! He is comfortable, eating well, sleeping well, not in need of any major necessities although he did ask me to send him a coffee mug (random much?). I was really proud of myself for not turning into a sobbing mess because I was this close to doing just that when I heard him say "hi baby" to me, like he always does. We talked and laughed and joked around. It was exactly what we both needed. We only had a few minutes to chat - there is only one phone for the platoon and he is a swell guy and passed it onto the next fellow after 10 or 15 minutes.

Today I had an entirely different outlook on things. I just really needed that confirmation that he is doing ok to get on with my life here too.

I'd like to also point out how amazing I think it is that all the different units in the Army have Facebook pages. It's a fantastic way for everyone to communicate and I guess I had no idea the Army was so into social networking sites. The 1st Sgt for Gunnar's company posted over 60 photos of Gunnar and his platoon. Getting to see his face was almost as good as hearing his voice. In case you didn't see the FB pics here's one for your viewing pleasure.

Am I a lucky girl or what?

Fayetteville is No Fun - First Edition

2009-11-14T19:48:00.000-05:00

We (meaning I) decided to get out and about today and go do something fun. We've been indoors most of the week and pretty much starting to go crazy. The weather effects of Tropical Storm Ida reached North Carolina early this week bringing with it rain, chilly temperatures and 40mph winds. Suffice to say - we stayed in. A lot.

Today was beautiful though and we decided to check out Fascinate-U, Fayetteville's childrens museum. I don't think this place qualifies as a museum by anyone's definition. It is advertised as a miniature town with a post office, grocery store, etc. Truth be told it really wasn't anything like that at all. The toys were dingy and old and most things didn't even resemble what they were meant to. The kids were amused, but not for very long. I had high hopes that this place was going to be at least a little bit awesome, I would buy a membership and we would have something to do all winter here. No such luck. I did get a few good pics before the batteries in my camera died (of course).

Gus at the command center. What you can't see is the sharp, torn mesh around the speaker. Awesome.

Gus is a pretty excellent meteorologist.

Gus and Maisie, crime fighters.

Gone Daddy Gone

2009-11-07T19:59:00.000-05:00

Sorry for my absence but the days leading up to Gunnar's deployment were spent just being together mostly. We made lists upon lists of things to pack, in addition to the lists the army supplied him. Gunnar and I were mostly fine and normal and joking and parenting together and then one of us would get so sad and just look at the other. No need for words - we knew exactly what the other was thinking.

"Damn. I don't want you to leave/Damn. I don't want leave you."

We cried a little, every now and then. For God's sake we just spent 4 months apart and now we're saying goodbye for A YEAR. It's a completely unfathomable amount of time to be away from your home, your family, your country, your wife, your life, your children. Gunnar calculated that out of 17 months our family will have lived together for only 1. Talk about testing your strength!

I dropped Gunnar off with his unit the evening of Wednesday, October 21st. He was required to be there at 9:45pm. We spent all day looking at the clock - mentally counting down how many more hours and minutes we had together. I dropped him off and the following morning he began traveling. They first flew to Maine, then Ireland, before finally making it to the Middle East. He was still a country or two away from Afghanistan for a few days waiting for another flight. We were able to talk daily which truly made this transition loads easier for both of us.

Gunnar arrived in Afghanistan last week and still hasn't made it to his actual job location. His assignment will involve him living on the side of a mountain, basically in a cave, with access to showers and some form of civilization only once monthly. I cannot begin to imagine what that life will be like for him. I intend to send tons of letters, pictures and care packages but knowing it takes a few weeks to get to him is really frustrating.

Afghanistan is dangerous. It really, really is. He has only been there a few days and is already telling me about crazy shit he has seen. I am in a constant state of worry not knowing if he is safe or ok.

The kids and I spent a week or so in Ohio immediately after Gunnar left. It was wonderful to be back home with my incredibly awesome and supportive family and friends. There were a lot of times I was strongly tempted to move back for the time that Gunnar is deployed. After lots and lots of thinking and talking, I decided to come back to North Carolina and do my best to make a life for me and kids here while we wait for Gunnar to come home.

So far, so good. Life is 100% different without Gunnar here. It's just me and the kids. All day, every day. I am going to have to come up with lots of crafty things for us to do all winter to make the time go by. I worry about them getting bored. As for me, I'll be fine. I've got Netflix, DVR, and my crochet hooks.

So Much for Hoping

2009-10-16T08:40:00.000-04:00

All I can say about last night's post is that I was

*Wrong

*Wrong

*Wrong

Gunnar is actually supposed to be deployed next Thursday. I am trying to process this but have no idea how to. We barely got to be together for 2 weeks and now prepping for a really long separation. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Stay in Fort Bragg? Go back to Columbus? Split my time between the two? Who's going to get my mail and newspaper here? Ok - not a life or death situation but still, there's a lot of details to work out. I don't know if the property management company would be too keen on providing housing for people that just abandon it anyway. It's just really very confusing. Gunnar is really upset. On top of that he has a nasty cold and just feels like crap altogether. A part of me thinks he might really enjoy a lot of aspects to being deployed. It's boys with toys in the biggest playground in the world. I think he will actually do a really great job there too. This is what he does best. I don't know how to even think about missing him for an entire year though. It's crazy to think of all the things he's going to miss.

Here's to Hoping...

2009-10-15T19:42:00.000-04:00

We just heard that Gunnar's unit might actually be deployed next week!!

Pardon me while I lose my mind real quick.

Ok. I'm back. There's a lot of reasons this might not really be true. Here are the supporting facts:

* Supposedly troops only ship out the 15th of each month. Next week would be the 22nd.

* Gunnar and his soldier pals are supposed to complete a 2 week readiness course before any deployments can happen. Gunnar is only 3 days into the 2 week course as of today.

* There is supposed to be 1 month notice before deployment happens so soldiers can get their affairs in order (power of attorneys etc.)

That's all I can come up with right about now. I am going to try my best to not freak the heck out till I actually have a good reason too.

Stupid rumors.

...And Another Thing...

2009-10-14T15:44:00.000-04:00

Spiders.

Big juicy disgusting spiders.

They are everywhere! They greet me in the morning when I'm attempting to make a pot of coffee. They scurry around when I'm trying to stomp on them in the hallway. I've seen them in nearly every room of the house, each on different days. Sometimes we do see two or three in a day. I'll admit I am scared of spiders. They freak me out! But on a totally different level, it's just gross to have bugs in your house.

So I called the neighborhood center today and the lady on the phone laughed at me in her cute little dumb accent. She said she's been chasin' them all 'round her house too and those suckers just don't git it, do they? Apparently unless you see at least 5, yes 5 big juicy disgusting spiders in one place at one time, it's not something they're going to help you out with.

Under normal circumstances, I would probably roll my eyes about the whole situation. But today it made me cry my eyes out for most of the afternoon. I really don't want to spend the next however many months/years here squashing spiders!!

Culture Shock

2009-10-14T13:37:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm definitely not in Kansas anymore. As in Kansas = Columbus type of way. It's hard to describe the sights and sounds of the new neighborhood and surrounding areas. Our neighborhood is nice, big yards, good sized house, can't hear the neighbors etc. For some reason it's the cool thing around here to crank your car stereo up ridiculously loudly when you're driving down the road though. Gunnar said yesterday "I though bass went out of style, like, ten years ago". I thought so too. That sort of thing is just a bit annoying. Combine the bumping bass music with the rumble of artillery being fired all day and night, this place can take some getting used to. Oh, and then there's the massive jets flying low overhead, but I don't mind those much at all.

We venture off base and into the outskirts of Fayetteville pretty regularly. We explored the mall today (mediocre but decent) and have been to nearly all of my favorite chain stores. Of course we are all supposed to prefer and adore mom and pop shops but my goodness! There really is something supremely comforting about walking into every darned Target and knowing which way to turn to find exactly what you're looking for!

Another thing I immediately noticed when the family went out for lunch last week - people still smoke here. Everywhere! As a former smoker I can appreciate having a smoke and a drink together but since the smoking bans in Columbus, that sort of combination has been a thing of the past for several years. I did a double take when the hostess asked "Do y'all want smoking or non?". Oh! And actually getting to any destination is an exercise in patience greater than child rearing. I know the south has a reputation for having very slow drivers, and it's 100% true, but there's also the longets traffic lights in the history of the world here. I went to a few stores yesterday and really, I think I spent more time in left turn lanes with a red light staring back at me than actually perusing the aisles of the stores.

I have a lot of stuff to get used to around here. I am trying to stay optimistic but sometimes it's easier said than done.

Graduation Photos

2009-10-13T11:24:00.000-04:00

Settling In

2009-10-09T10:21:00.000-04:00

Well we finally all made it to North Carolina. After a very bumpy road getting the truck unloaded (figuratively speaking) we are now faced with the enormous task of putting all of our shit away! Thank the heavenly stars this place has tons of storage space, because we have tons of junk. We are huge fans of throwing things out, and we do frequently, however there is still just so much stuff everywhere.

I have to take a moment and give an enormous shout out (however incredibly tacky that may be) to my parents and Nathan and Tim for packing and loading the truck and getting it down here. My in-laws, Connie and Denny came to Columbus and helped get the truck loaded and followed it down to Fort Bragg. They arrived late Saturday night but we were unable to unload the truck until we were able to weigh it on Sunday afternoon. With all the manpower, the unloaded went very quickly. Saying goodbye to my family was so impossibly hard to do. I really don't know how to function without them nearby. Connie and Denny stayed with us another night and then left for the beach. We joined them in Myrtle Beach for a night and then went our separate ways again. I can't even begin to describe how exhausting all of these goodbyes are all the time.

The word on the street around here is that Gunnar's unit may be deployed as early as mid-November. My brain seriously can't even process that information right now so I am just not going to think about it.

I am still trying to find my way around the new neighborhood. It's a strange place to me for sure! I am trying to get used to where everything is and how to get from point A to point B. It's not at all easy, I am learning though. And the base itself is like a ghost town. We must be in a war or something because there is not too many people around here. I really hope it starts to feel like "home" sooner rather than later.

I swear I will post some pics soon. I have definitely been slacking on uploading pics lately!

The Big Day

2009-09-24T19:40:00.000-04:00

I am calling it the Big Day because I honestly think I put more time and effort into planning for Gunnar's Infantry graduation than I did for our wedding. I planned every outfit, shoes, lip gloss to match perfectly. I got my hair cut, colored, nails painted, lost 30 pounds and bought super duper cute clothes. I was positively giddy to see him again! Of course it was 89 degrees and 120% humidity and I had to walk up and down hills and through Georgia mud to get to the Turning Blue ceremony but it was all SO WORTH IT! I felt like I was going on a first date again or something. The Turning Blue ceremony is the process in which the soldiers actually become part of the Infantry. There is a lot of Infantry pride with this group and it was actually amazing to see all of them in their spiffy dress uniforms. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a soldier in uniform!

We were able to spend the day together and then Gunnar had to stay in the barracks one last night. The following morning was the formal graduation ceremony at the National Infantry Museum. It was absolutely spectacular. Anyone that didn't get teary during the speeches had to have serious issues. I was really moved by a lot of the things they talked about but mostly the amazing history of the place and how intensely proud I was of Gunnar at that moment. After the ceremony we "hauled the mail" out of Georgia and drove north all day. It was fantastic to just be together again. We've always loved road trips together and this was no different.

The weekend was full of visiting family and celebrating Gus's birthday. We needed to get housing arranged and sent in all the necessary documents as early on Monday as we could. The house we requested had a waitlist of up to 4 weeks and our position on the waitlist was #29 out of 29. This meant that Gunnar would head down to North Carolina on his own and we would move down when the house becomes available.

I got a call on Wednesday that our house is ready and can we be there by 3pm Thursday (today). Ummm no. We arranged for Gunnar to go "move in" on Monday but the poor guy only has a roll of toilet paper and a pillow with him. Why is it that things either take way too long or happen so quickly that I can't possibly be ready in time??

Gunnar made it down to Fort Bragg today in just about 8.5 hours. And most likely he stopped for some reason every hour or at least every other hour. I thought it was a lot farther for some reason but all of the sudden 8.5 hours feels really manageable and not so much like it's the other end of the universe.

We don't have a moving date just yet. I am going to wait to see when Gunnar can get leave time and when I can round up some movers. I am excited to see Gunnar's pics of our new place though!

Not cool Army...not cool

2009-09-13T23:03:00.000-04:00

Well all fun in the sun has been canceled due to the new info that Gunnar actually only has SEVEN days of leave in between Fort Benning and Fort Bragg. Even though he is not required by his new unit to report for duty until October 23rd, his current unit only granted him seven days of leave. That actually includes graduation day (how day #1 of leave is also graduation day is beyond me) so Gunnar will be leaving for North Carolina mid next week.

I am incredibly disappointed. I had so many fun things planned for our weeks together before we had to move. We were going to go to Oktoberfest, spend our 4th wedding anniversary together, take the kids to the park, go out to a movie...the list goes on and on. Now the scenario has changed so drastically I am really having a hard time processing all of it.

We were planning to move to a house mid-October. Most of the homes have a waitlist and the month of leave would allow for us to move all together when a home becomes available. Instead, Gunnar will need to report for duty next Thursday, stay at some barracks or something similar and then we will move down when a house is ready for us. I thought this was going to be the end of our separation for a while but I was quite wrong. I really need to learn to roll with the punches better because it seems like we'll be getting punched. Often.

To add to our logistical nightmare, we only have one car. We sold Gunnar's late spring since there was really no point to store it all summer. Gunnar will need a car at Fort Bragg - the place is HUGE!!! So I may not have a car here until he can come back to get us.

We have a lot of things to jam into the few days that he will be home. I am driving down this Wednesday, spending the day with him on Thursday and leaving after the graduation ceremony on Friday morning. We are driving to Cincinnati-ish and staying somewhere there Friday night to get up early Saturday morning, drive straight through Columbus up to a big family picnic in the Cleveland area. Then we'll head back to Columbus Saturday afternoon and meet some friends for beers. Sheesh! If that's not enough activity, we are having Gus's 3rd birthday party the next day (Sunday) and having Gunnar's parents out for the day too. It's enough to make my head spin right now. Then we'll have just Monday and Tuesday and he'll be heading to Fort Bragg on Wednesday next week. This is so different from our plans to spend a day at the beach and a month hanging around Ohio.

I am so ready to head down South and pick Gunnar up.

Drumroll Please...

2009-08-26T10:59:00.000-04:00

We finally got Gunnar's orders! Our family will be stationed at Fort Bragg North Carolina. This was definitely one of our top choices. It's where Gunnar was stationed the first time around (way back when) so he knows the area and it's a reasonable, although still long, drive back to Ohio and our families. Fort Bragg is the largest military base in the US and it's basically like it's own town. Which is a good thing because everything I hear about the nearest town, Fayeteville NC, is less than spectacular. We will be just a few hours from the ocean though, which is a very nice bonus. North Carolina is huge, as my mom and I learned last night looking at maps. It seems like everything is a few hours away. I've got a lot to learn about the new place! At some point Gunnar decided he preferred Fort Carson, Colorado because many of his Army buddies are being stationed there. I think North Carolina will be a good location for us though, and I can't wait for Gunnar to show me around his old stomping ground!

I started yesterday trying to learn about on post housing etc. To say I am confused would be an understatement. There are waiting lists for much of the housing on post. Some are reasonable though and quite doable since Gunnar reports for duty Oct. 23rd. We were hoping for 10 or 12 days of leave but his orders say he'll have over a month! I am still waiting to find out if that is actually true - seems too good. So I learned that there are 10 different neighborhoods at Fort Bragg. We are eligible for certain neighborhoods based on Gunnar's rank. It seems like a fairly complex set of rules and regulations. I did request a welcome packet, so hopefully that will give us a clue where to start. I looked about about a dozen different websites, neighborhoods, floorplans etc to try to figure out where we should apply to live. Then my attempt to fill out the housing application didn't go too well because it was full of tons of abbreviations that still make no sense to me. I wish Gunnar was here to help me figure this stuff out.

We have just slightly more than 3 weeks till his big graduation and then our mini beach vacation! It seems like 3 weeks shouldn't be a big deal, after 4 months of being apart but in fact just the opposite is true. It seems like time has never moved so slowly. Every day is dragging by. I know it's much worse for Gunnar though. He has this week of training and because his least favorite drill sergeant is back with his platoon, it's been miserable the last week or so. He is so close to being done and so fed up with this lifestyle. No freedom or free time, even when they don't have training (Sundays for example) he still has to stay in the barracks the entire day. Occasionally he get a 3 hour pass, maybe once a week and can head to the PX for some Starbucks and people watching. I can't wait to get him away from there so he can properly relax and enjoy himself. 23 more days!!!

The Waiting Game

2009-08-22T10:29:00.000-04:00

We still have no word on where we'll be moving to. I have been checking Gunnar's Army email several times a day (ok - dozens of times a day) to see if there's any news. It's a strange thing for me to know that we are moving soon and can't plan for any of the details. I am hoping we are able to live on base, but if we cannot we are going to need to find off-base housing pronto. I am completely in the dark about what the whole process entails and how and when we actually know what to do. What a strange life!

I am very much a mid-west type of girl. I like cities with lots to do but no so big that it takes an hour to get downtown. I like that the countryside is never too far away. I love the drastic difference between summer and winter and how wonderful fall and spring are in between. I love watching seasons change and everything that goes along with that. Most of all my family is here. I've never lived away from my family at all. I went to college 15 minutes from my parents house. I've never lived more than 10 minutes from them. My sisters and brother are all within minutes of me. The thought of being hundreds of miles away from makes me sad beyond belief. Somehow though, I still feel like we are doing the right thing for our family.

Gunnar is doing well. He has one week of training left and then "Hell Week", which for those of you that don't know, is the culmination of months of Infantry training all rolled into one hellish week. It's meant to push the soldiers as far as they can go, on very little sleep, not enough food, and intense physical challenges. Gunnar doesn't sound too excited but knowing that after that it's just biding time till graduation. He will have a few weeks after Hell Week to finish up silly tasks and then be done!

We have decided to leave immediately after graduation and hit the road. We're heading to Myrtle Beach for two nights before "hauling the mail" (as my father-in-law says) back to Columbus to hopefully make it back in time for the weekly family Sunday dinner at my parents house. Ideally he will have 10 or maybe even 12 days of leave before reporting to his next duty assignment.

Well, I better go check Gunnar's email (again!) and see if there's any news. It will be really nice to start googling my new place to call home!

Big Improvements...sort of

2009-08-10T13:10:00.000-04:00

So in my last post I was tell you all about Gunnar's placement in week #4 of his 15 week training program. Well, he was only there for about 1 week when he was re-assigned and was moved ahead to Week #10 out of the program. It was absolutely great news! This means he has a 3rd (and hopefully final) graduation date of Sept 18th. Because of the advancement, he no longer has a family weekend in August so I won't be able to see him till his actual graduation date. He has been writing tons of letters, which make me laugh and cry every time. It's a great way to really keep in touch. And undoubtedly somewhere in every letter, Gunnar mentions his burning desire for a night of going out for ice cold draft beer and chicken wings when he comes back to Columbus. I laugh every time! He said all his other army buddies are talking about going out for lobster or steak dinners, and there's my hubby just wanting some buffalo wings!

Plans for graduation traveling are underway. Since graduation is on a Friday, I will be leaving Columbus solo on Thursday and heading south. My best pal Rachel lives in Chattanooga, which is right along the way, so I'll have a place to stay for a night before heading to Ft. Benning, Georgia in the morning (depending what time actual graduation takes place). Then Gunnar came up with the best idea I've ever heard - he wants to drive east and spend a night at the beach before heading up to Ohio. Sort of a teeny mini vacation which I think he totally deserves at this point! The downside is that we will miss a big huge family picnic up in northern Ohio that Saturday :( I think a night or two at the beach will be a great way to spend a few days after being apart for so darn long though! In the 11 years we've been together Gunnar and I have always absolutely loved riding in the car together. I can't wait to have a roadtrip with him. I am wondering if it's too early to start packing...

In other really great news, Gunnar has use of his cell phone once again. Apparently morale has been a bit low in his group and one of the other prior-service fellows requested that all PS guys get their personal phones back. So each night after training, we are able to talk or text again. It's really amazing being able to communicate again on a regular basis. We have been talking for nearly an hour each night and it really makes a big difference for both of us I think.

So things are definintely moving along now. It's crazy to be able to say that I am going to see Gunnar next month! We have about 5 more weeks to go and then he'll be home for an undetermined amount of time. I am hoping we get at least 2 weeks before moving but it's anybody's guess really.

Speaking of moving. Gunnar told me last night that we should know in the next couple of weeks where we will be moving to. I am not holding my breath though because we thought we would have known something by now. It's a really strange thing to know I am moving my whole family somewhere next month and have no idea where. I can't even begin to work out the logistics since I have no idea where we will be. A lot is still up in the air, obviously.

What the....

2009-07-21T12:42:00.001-04:00

I had to wait a few days to process the change in plans before sharing it with all of you. Gunnar relocated to Georgia and after a week of in-processing (aka doing not much of anything at all), it was announced Friday morning that he would be joining week #4 of Basic training. All along it was understood that he was exempt from Basic training since he is prior service. And because the WTC course in Oklahoma is a sort of refresher-course-in-place-of-Basic for prior service. Well the week #4 info came as one heck of a blow. Gunnar was assuming he would be put into week #8 or #7, worst case scenario. That was the word on the street anyway. Also, Gunnar's contract clearly states 14 weeks of Army training and this little set back makes it closer to 19 weeks. We were planning for an early-mid September graduation and now he is scheduled to graduate October 2nd.

Basic training is brutal. The drill sergeants are ruthless and he is really miserable. I understand this is how it is intentionally set up but Gunnar has been there, done that before and really doesn't belong there. All of his prior service buddies are in the same boat and all pretty upset about this. I'm pretty sure if they had known ahead of time that this was the plan, they all still would have re-enlisted, and would be better prepared, knowing what they're getting themselves into.

Gunnar's cousin (a fellow I've never met and lives somewhere in the southwest) is an Army recruiter. Gunnar gave me all his contact info in case I had any questions or needed anything while he's gone for the summer. I felt this little situation warranted an email to the guy. I asked Joel what in the world Gunnar is doing in Basic training at this stage in the game. Joel said he couldn't believe Gunnar was surprised to be in Basic again. Army policy states that any soldier out of the service for more than 48 months needs to complete Basic training again. Some good information that would have been nice to know a few months ago!

So it's going to be a long time till I see my Gunnar again. His phone was confiscated so we no longer can text or talk like we had been able to. He has called a few times from a pay phone but the lack of communication has been really hard. I can't believe it's going to be like this for another 10 weeks. He is sending me a letter every day, which is pretty awesome. But I am only sending him a letter once or twice each week. He has to do 25 pushups for each letter he receives. I feel terribly guilty knowing how hard he has to work to read what I write but I know he is thrilled to get the letters too. Damn drill sergeants.

Happy Graduation!

2009-07-11T09:23:00.000-04:00

A few days ago (Wednesday) Gunnar graduated from WTC (Warrior Training Course) in Oklahoma. The WTC course was designed as a replacement for Basic Training for prior service recruits to the Army and also gentleman that were prior service in other branches of the military and re-enlisting in the Army. After graduation Gunnar traveled to Georgia on Thursday to go to Fort Benning where he will complete his Infantry Training. Infantry training at Fort Benning is unique in that it is a combination of basic training and MOS training. Because of this, it was understood that Gunnar and some of his fellow WTC grads would be jumping into and existing training class mid-stride. However that might not actually be the case. There are rumors going around that they may make all of the prior service fellas go through basic training again. I was mostly infuriated when Gunnar told me this. I was figuring it up and he should in theory be gone for another 9 weeks (based on his contract he signed with the recruiters) but this basic training set back could mean he is gone for another 12-15 weeks! Talk about not being able to plan for anything ever!

I was really stressing these details till my pal Rachel put things in perspective for me. She pointed out that the longer he is in training, the longer he is stateside and not actually fighting on the front lines somewhere. Good point Rachel! That completely made my day. I would rather Gunnar be 4 states away marching around GA than fighting bad guys in Afghanistan.

Gunnar won't actually find out what their plans are for him until next Friday. This may actually be the biggest waste of a person's time to be in limbo for more than a week. This seems really quite disorganized and I am learning to not have very high expectations for the people in charge of planning these training courses. So in the meantime he is doing silly busy work, cleaning barracks, formation a few times each day, texting me non-stop. He sent me a message today saying he was done for the day at about 6:54am. Why oh why couldn't they send him home for a week if he isn't even doing anything?!

There have been other puzzles to figure out this week like figuring out how our new health insurance benefits paperwork mysteriously never was submitted, how to get insurance after the fact, which doctors to see, how to get prescriptions filled, etc. I had more than one crying meltdown with very friendly customer service representative at Tricare. After all was said and done and sorted out, it did all get straightened out. I took a deep breath and had a glass of Chardonnay with my parents and all was right with the world again.

I knew none of this was going to be easy, and I am becoming more accustomed to being flexible as dates and times and training schedules change constantly. I am really ready to have my family back together but have an undetermined amount of time to wait. But I'm ok with waiting because like Rachel said, Gunnar is safe where he is, even if we are all homesick.