Love

My goodness it's been forever since I've posted.  Kudos to anyone still reading.  Instead of rambling about my complaints about Ft Bragg etc I'm going to tell you about something really special that happened recently.  I was home (see how I still call it that?) home, my Ohio home, with my family several weeks ago and it just hit me like a ton of bricks.  These people love me.  They do.  They.  Love.  Me.  I've always proclaimed my ever lasting love for my mom, dad, sisters and brother but to think of the reverse is so different and so wonderful. 

They love me.

There's no other place in the world I can go except my mom's kitchen and look around and know and feel that these people love me for me, forever.  They are my best friends in the world.  This doesn't take anything away from my husband and kids, by the way.  I know they love me too, and it's a two way street.  But when I was sitting at Mom's kitchen table with her and my sisters right there, I realized that there's no other place in the world I can have what I get from them.  I started crying and realized that is the only home I want to have. 

So it was then that we decided that Gunnar isn't going to re-enlist when his ETS (end of term of service) comes around next year.  We're done.  The Army life isn't for us anymore. 

Of course we still have a long time before that can become a reality.  But Gunnar and the kids and I drove around and picked out our houses we want to live in when we come back.  We want that life, our own house and garden in which all our roots can grow and thrive.  The transiency of Army life will never make that possible.  I want my kids to be close with their cousins, just like I was when I was a kid.  I want my new baby nephew to know me and me to know him.  I'm tired of missing out on get-togethers and being able to lend a hand when someone needs it. 

To have an uncertain future is scary as all hell.  But fingers crossed, we'll make it work.  We have a little time to figure out if there's jobs available when we move back etc.  And we're hoping Gunnar doesn't have to deploy back to Afghanistan in the meantime. 

By the way...I drove around Fayetteville recently and took some pictures of things that make me smile.  I'll post them soon (I promise!!) and hope you get a little chuckle too.