Tuesday, March 23, 2010

No Tears

I just realized last night that I haven't cried in a while.  And that sort of scared me.  I always say I'll never get used to this, and that it still isn't my "normal" to live without Gunnar.  But what does that mean that I'm not a crying mess all the time still?  Gah!  This really bummed me out!  I'm hoping it's because Gunnar is actually coming home for his mid-deployment R&R in the next few months.  Maybe I'm just looking forward to seeing him that much.  I still really miss him like crazy though. 

We've been talking about every 4 or 5 days (actually I'm about due for a call today).  The last time we talked he got me pretty worried.  Apparently the Taliban are largely seasonal trouble makers.  During the winter, they are very quiet, then when spring comes, so do they.  The reason mainly is that as the trees and leaves and grasses grow in, there are more places to hide.  I of course have zero details, and wouldn't be able to share them anyway if I did (that would be an OPSEC - Operational Security, violation) but there's a lot of big things brewing over there.  Sounds scary, and dangerous, and if I knew more about it, I'd be sick worrying. 

I just need him to get through thte next few months and come home to me and the kids.


  1. I just finished reading "A Thousand Splendid Suns" last night. It's set in Afghanistan and has some interesting insight into the mess over there (not lots, but a few tidbits).

    Anyway, I was thinking maybe the reason you're having such a hard time getting involved and making friends is because you really don't want to have a life without Gunnar, or a life that's apart from your life with him. Does that make sense?

  2. Makes perfect sense - and that definitely has a lot to do with it. I can really only blame myself for not being more involved in crap around here. I just don't want to. I want to life this Army life WITH him. And I think I'll just wait till he gets back to do that :)