Everyday

Every day there is something that makes me miss Gunnar so intensely I feel like I can't breathe for a second.  For the last week, I've been assembling a few new pieces of furniture (big ones with a hundred pieces, of course) and doing some work around the house.  All of these activities really made me wish he was around, not just to help carry the heavy stuff and turn the screwdriver some of the time, but to help decide which picture looks best on which wall, and to enjoy the place with me when I've finished.  I have a few battle wounds - blisters from screwing dozens of nails into wood pieces etc but the real kick in the pants was trying to open a stupid bottle of maple syrup!  I decided I like my kids well enough to buy them real maple syrup (have you ever read the ingredients on Mrs. Butterworth's?  It's just so wrong!) and I swear it took me 20 minutes to get the top off of it.  I am stubborn by nature, and I really couldn't let the syrup win the battle but I really could not open the sucker!

While I'm struggling with all this my 3 year old says "You should call Daddy, he is a big strong man.  He can help you Mommy.  You should call him right now."  Oh hell.  How am I supposed to keep it together when I hear things like that?  Anyway, eventually the kids got syrup on their pancakes but damn - it just would have been nice to have a little help.

Then yesterday, I took the kids for a walk/jog (who am I kidding - it was mostly walking!) after dinner and I saw a girl trying awkwardly to hang a banner from the front porch.  Of course it was a "Welcome Home Daddy!" banner.  I could tell she was struggling to I asked if she needed a hand, which she accepted.  The poor girl couldn't swing a hammer to save her life, and I got the banner hung in a matter of minutes.  I asked a few open-ended questions, just to have a chat with someone with whom I obviously have a lot in common.  She wasn't too receptive really and she didn't even tell me her name!  So there was another failed attempt at being friendly around here.  I apparently don't make friends too easily, I'm realizing.  Anyway, I was a little jealous that she gets her husband back tomorrow.  I'm sure he's been gone a year, just like mine will be, but it just made me miss Gunnar that much more yesterday.