I'm So Not Badass

I came home this evening and found a big (no lie - this thing was a good 3-4 feet long) gross snake guarding my doorstep.  Guarding it from what exactly, I don't really know.  Definitely preventing me from getting in my house with the kids though.  This is precisely the crap that I don't need in my life right now.  I finally talked to Gunnar today after a week of zip/zero/zilch communication and everything he told me scared the bejeezus out of me.  I am pretty sure I would be violated a trillion OPSEC rules if I said anything specific (more on that in another post) but suffice it to say I'm worried sick that something really bad is going to happen over there in that country.

Ok, back to me.  And the creepy snake.  I really tried to not freak out because I really wanted to not make my kids as irrationally terrified of snakes as I am, but no such luck.  It just sat there staring at me, daring me to try to make it move.  I called my brother Nathan - he is a very proud owner of 10 or 15 or hell, 20 snakes or something like that.  I'm actually not exaggerating, by the way.  He said to get a stick and just sort of lift it's body over and it will scoot away.

Ummm...

Yeah right.

I got the stick but couldn't physically make myself get that close to it.  Then Nathan said to just agitate it a bit with something and it will go away.  I (barely) tossed a few little pieces of gravel in it's general direction and all it really did was cock it's head toward me and keep staring.  All I knew was that I wasn't going up against this snake at all.

Luckily some guy was walking his dog on the other side of the street and I begged him to come over and he shooed the stupid snake away from the door but it basically just went into the bushes somewhere.  At least I was able to get into my house but I'm afraid I've done irreparable damage to my kids with my freak out session.

I know you're probably tired of hearing me say this but it bears repeating today:  I can't wait for Gunnar to come home, and get the damn snakes the hell away from the house.